a perspective shift on mothering.

I've had some really hard weeks these past few months. Days when I for sure thought I was going to lose my mind, days when I felt like giving up on this whole parenting thing.

Pretty sure I wasn't doing a good job.

Pretty sure I wasn't getting through at all to my toddler who seems to test my will more than ever these days.

Days when I've sat and cried for a few minutes while they are tucked in their beds for nap time. A few times that I've snuck into the pantry alone and sat there for a few small moments reminding myself to breath, and come out with a smile on my face.

Wouldn't it be awesome if there was a definitive handbook on how to raise children? A handbook that told you exactly every single scenario that was going to happen and how to handle it? Yup, that would be awesome sometimes.

And just when I'm sure my child hates me, and doesn't like me at all she says something that forever changes my perspective on mothering and parenting.

My husband knows just how much of a hard time I've been having lately and does a great job of checking in on me throughout the day.

Sunday night (mother's day) my husband did the bed time routine with Ava while I was doing my best to calm my screaming 4 month old.

He came down after tucking her in and told me this story;

He was reading Ava a book before bedtime and it was about friendship and best friends. He asked Ava at the end;

"Ava, who's your best friend?"

Ava replied; "Mommy is."

This little two second conversation to me has completely changed my perspective. I realized that how I see myself as a parent my failures, my short comings, etc. Isn't how my child sees me at all. To her I'm her best friend!

Even though I discipline her, and loose my patience sometimes, and cry over the fact that she isn't listening and think about how hard this parenting gig is she doesn't see that at all.

Now matter how many times we mess up or think we fail, or feel like we just can't do another day remind yourself as a mom that your children think you're amazing, you're their hero and they love you so much.

I will repeat this to myself when she's tired and cranky.

When she's being disobedient and needing me to teach her.

When we have hard days.

When I have a hard day.

Sometimes all we need is a little perspective shift and a little encouragement to get us back on track.

things I don't want to forget.

There are so many small fleeting moments that I never want to forget through this journey of motherhood and parenthood. Small moments, insignificant moments that only matter because they are important for me and my family. But, I'm sure if I know a mother's heart like I do they are probably similar to the moments that you don't want to forget either.



We hold onto these moments, these memories and lock them up in the treasure chest that is our heart. We replay them over and over again like our favorite movie. We replay conversations in our minds verbatim because we've memorized them over and over again.

I know that everyday she's getting older, there are moments that won't happen again. Days that we can't get back. This is my small reminder to take everything as it comes, embrace it, remember it and treasure this life that we have.



I don't want to forget the silly conversations that we have together. Like, when I tell her she's a silly goose and she responds;

"No, I'm Ava." 

It's those fleeting priceless moments that making being a mother and parent so very special. They make it a worth while experience even when we are in the trenches of potty training and I think I'm going to lose my mind. Or when their having the biggest tantrum and it seems like it'll never end I remember these small moments, the things that I don't want to forget. It helps make all the growing pains of parenthood and motherhood bearable and easier. You know what I mean?



I don't want to forget that she thinks we live in a castle. Or the way she quietly asks for the puppy to sleep with her at the end of the day. I don't want to forget the way she lines things up and likes to stack things in a row.



I consider myself the memory keeper in my family. It's why I keep a journal, blog, take endless amounts of photos and scrap book them. Why I make the annual Christmas card a big deal and send them out. To preserve this life. To have memories we can look back on.

What are ways that you try to take in everyday life and remember them for yourself and your family? I'd love to hear how you make life special.

More thoughts on potty training.

You may remember my first thoughts on potty training way back in April, you can read more about that here if you'd like.  I felt like potty training just might be the death of me after that first go around. But, I learned to let go and slowly introduce her to the idea of it. Turns out I don't think she was as ready as all the books said she was, or ready like I thought she was.

I think I was more ready than she was to tell you the truth.

We put pull ups on her. We bought a pretty princess potty and everyday asked her about it, sat her on the potty, etc, etc.

Some days she'd clearly ask to go potty and she'd go. We'd clap, sing and cheer as loudly and proud as we could to encourage her and praise her. I even made up my own potty song for her to the melody of Dora's "We did it tune." 



We bought Disney Princess and Dora undies and introduced those as well. And then one day it's like it just all clicked for her. She literally woke up one morning and asked to wear underwear. Pleaded and insisted that she wear under ware and not pull ups.

I was a little worried about her going to daycare with undies on, I was worried that she wouldn't tell them she had to go or that they wouldn't take her time. This was like ripping the band-aid off and just going for it. So I agreed and let her wear undies. Instructed the daycare as best I could, and to my surprise when we picked her up they reported that she hadn't had a single accident all day. I was so proud and overjoyed, and after that day there was no going back.



After a week of not having accidents at daycare or at home, we let her loose in toy aisle and let her pick out her own reward for being so successful. It's been almost three weeks of potty training success in our home. I'm so excited for her! So proud and so amazed at to how much children truly change overnight. She's been doing so well with it.

It's a little hard to let go of the fact that she's really growing up. No more diapers, this girl is on her way to being fully potty trained. My little baby isn't so much a baby anymore. But, I'm glad to see that she did it when she was ready, in her own time. I'm proud of myself as a mother and parent for letting go a little and not trying to force the issue with her and for God giving me a lot of patience during this time.

All the cheers, silly songs, stickers and many, many accidents on the floor were ok. We're worth it.



So now I know potty training didn't kill me, but the whole process did make me more aware and patient towards my child and that is a lesson worth it.

Embrace

Life has been teaching me to embrace lately. Embrace the changes that are happening in our lives. Embrace that everything doesn't always go according to plans, and it's ok.

Embrace that Ava no longer wants to sit and smile for the camera, she'd much rather move around and play. It's teaching me to catch those small moments with her and to drink them in like never before. Her littleness is fleeting, and everyday she's becoming even more of a "big girl."



Life is teaching me to embrace that things are sometimes out of my control and that's ok, because God has it all under control. So I can let myself off the hook for a lot of things. Because it's HIS job to take care of that stuff anyway.

Embracing all the blessings that God has given us, even though I don't always know or understand what he's doing in the inner workings of our lives I'm so thankful for all he's given us. I'm learning to embrace the feelings that I have and work through them instead of just writing them off because I think things can't or won't change. Maybe God wants to change me instead of my circumstances. Maybe just maybe he'll transform me during this time of embracing.



Because that really when I sit down and think about it, is what I want. I want God to change me, to grow deeper in Him and know Him more. I don't just want to stay the same, never growing, never getting better, nope I want to embrace what He has for me. 


Today, my friends I'm wondering what are you embracing in your own lives too? What are you accepting more, and letting it change you instead of you changing "it?"


Happy Weekending friends. 

Everyday Victories in Motherhood

As mothers we all have those every day small victories that get us through the day or week. Maybe you conquered the piles of laundry that were building up, or maybe your child finally mastered potty training, or maybe you spent a morning just you and it made you a better mother. Victories all around. 


I think sometimes as mothers it's the small things that make a big impact, I know for me it does. Sometimes just finding fruits that she loves and will eat are a victory for me! Ava turned two in March and it's been amazing to me a little switch that's happened. It's like she woke up and decided she knew exactly what she wanted and didn't want. 


She's been exerting that will ever since. She's become very particular about what she does and doesn't want. The foods she wants to eat or drink. Lately my biggest challenging has come from getting dressed in the mornings. Ava goes to daycare during the week and they have some rules about things she can or can't wear, one being that all the kids have to wear close toed shoes. 


Ava's become obsessed with sandals, especially her sparkly ones. That's all she wears on the weekends, last week to church she wore sandals that didn't match because she didn't want to wear the shoes I picked for her. For me, as a mom it's become what do I really want to battle with her about and what don't I? Anyone else with me? 


She wants to wear her tutus more than pants. She wears her sunglasses everywhere, and I've been told on many occasions that she takes naps in them at daycare. The last couple weeks I've been letting her pick and choose some portions of her outfits. Choosing to let her express herself in this way, and letting her make some small decisions about clothing. 


The reality for me is that I don't mind her wearing sunglasses around the house, or wearing every last necklace around her neck if it means that she gets to express herself, be a kid, learn and have fun. 


It's a small victory for me as a Mom. 

Tutu, check.

Fairy Wings check.

Happy girl using her imagination, check. 

Letting her choose and telling her when she can't wear sandals to daycare has provided us the oportunity to teach her what she can't and can't do. We've seen her listening abilities through this, and and understanding come through. 


Small victory, and I'll take it. 


Do you have an everyday victory in Motherhood you'd like to share? Tell me in the comments below!

Hurry in to Kroger and Kroger Banner Stores for P&G’s big sale event, June 10–23!

At Kroger and its banner stores, more than 30 of your favorite P&G brands are at HOT sale prices through June 23, including Tide, Charmin, Cascade, Pampers, Crest and Olay. Look for tags with special prices throughout the household needs and health and beauty aisles, and be on the lookout for even bigger offers – like getting serious dollars off when you buy a bundle of products.

Before hitting the store, visit P&G’s event page on Kroger.com: http://bit.ly/KG6dw5

You can play games like basketball, track and gymnastics to win money off your next Kroger trip, download digital coupons, print a shopping list, and learn more about P&G products!

And as part of this event, consider trying one of these fab products from P&G:
Vicks Nature Fusion, Charmin Basic, Downy Unstopables, and Swiffer Duster Extenders!

I was selected for participation in this campaign as a member of Clever Girls Collective. All opinions are 100% mine. 

Book Review:: Mission Motherhood

I finally finished this book that I started over Christmas. It's not a big book, but reading these days takes me a little longer maybe than most. It's a great book, and I wanted to share with you why I loved it so much. If you're looking for a book to take a Godly perspective about motherhood and its mission this is a great book.

Her book really encourages stay at home motherhood, I know this might turn away some of you from reading this book. There's always much debate about working moms vs. stay at home moms. And here's the only thing I'll say about the subject, is that every family has to choose what works best for their family. And us Moms need to be more supportive and encouraging of one another.

With that said said don't discount reading this book, here's some key thoughts that I took from her book. I really encourage you to read it no matter what kind of mothering situation you are in.

* We mothers have the opportunity to influence eternity by building a spiritual legacy in the lives of our children.


* Accepting the call of motherhood doesn't mean giving up ministry, in fact it is your ministry. 


* Write down goals for your family and how you will accomplish them.


* Making disciples of our children is certainly part of the mission of motherhood.


* Diligent parents do battle for their children's souls. 


* Our vision for our family defines the decisions we make, the priorities we keep.


I would really encourage you too pick up this book, it's a great read and very encouraging for a mother's heart.

You can find it here on Amazon.

Have you read any great books on parenting or motherhood lately? I'd love to hear your recommendations. 

Thoughts About Potty Training

A few weeks ago I mentioned that we were starting to potty train Ava. After weeks of reading things online, asking friends and family their opinions we decided to go for it.

A friend told me about this method. She forwarded the book to me, and I read it back and forth for two weeks before we started.

The week before I bought all sorts of juice, rewards and brand new princess undies! In hopes that all these would motivate and help her progress. We spent three days {Ava & I} in the house potty training. We didn't leave all day, every day for three days.



I expected accidents, and there were many.

I expected that there would be a learning curve, there has been.

What I didn't expect is how I would feel. How exhausted I'd be. How I literally felt I was going crazy after not leaving the house for three days.

The truth is, if I can be totally honest and have a vulnerable "mom" moment here. Not only did I want this 3 day method to work for Ava, but I really wanted it to work for me too. Because I wanted to be the one to potty train her. Not the daycare, not anyone but my and my Husband.

When it didn't click for Ava after three days was over, I felt like I failed.

It can be really easy when "someone" or an expert on a subject tells you that "it will work" to put pressure on yourself, and in the end I felt like I failed at it all.

But, the truth was this method just didn't quite work for Ava, and it's ok. After a lot of prayer and evaluating the three days I realized this.

She will get potty trained. I will teach her, we'll teach her.

And it's ok if she doesn't learn it in 3 days. It's ok if it takes her longer than I thought.



She just turned two and I know that she'll get it. The biggest thing is for us to be consistent and patient. Not to put pressure on myself or her.

We're on a little potty training journey. We've been working at it for almost a month. We get excited when she does, we put a sticker on her chart and celebrate the moment!

This is by far the most trying thing yet that I've experienced in parenting. I know there will be other moments like this, maybe even bigger at some point.

Motherhood is about the good and bad. Learning and growing.

Hello, Monday. It's nice to see you.

Whew! I've just come off the most crazy and intense weekend. If you follow my on facebook or twitter, you'll know we've been potty training all weekend.

And when I say intense, I mean don't leave your house all weekend, feel like you're going stir crazy kinda intense. Potty training boot camp if you will!

I have a lot of thoughts about the method I choose, some good and some bad. I feel very, very tired today. It was a crazy weekend.

Friday, our first sticker on the potty chart.

By, Friday evening I was tired and I wanted to cry. Actually I did, but I'll save all the drama of this experience for another post.



By, Saturday we were making progress. More stickers on the chart!

This week is a fun week for us in our home! We're 6 days a away from Ava turning two! Someone tell me how we got here so fast?! I can hardly believe it. Yes, I'm one of those Mothers that now sits back in awe and is a little sad that she's growing so fast! Put me in that group, and I'm ok with it.

We have guests coming into town tonight! Yesterday, we spent the day cleaning and getting ready for our guests. We have a tiny place, and I'm thankful that Grandma Carolynn and Aunt Jess are coming and putting up with our conditions in order to be here for Ava's special day!

Ava loved the air mattress so much she fell asleep on it last night. She was just breaking it in for them. I'm excited for them to get here, and thankful they are coming. It's going to be a great week spending time with family and celebrating Ava's birthday!

What are you looking forward to this week?

all images taken via Instagram. Follow my there @photosbyandrea

Shh, It's Ok they're only little once.......

Our nightly routine begins after dinner time, usually around 7 pm we start cleaning up dinner and while I do that Hubby is giving Ava her bath and getting her dressed for bed. I come in sometime last after I'm done cleaning and we say prayers together, we read a story together.

Recently as Ava's sleep habits have started to change we've started taking turns putting her to bed each night. She's always been a great sleeper until 4 months ago when we took away the pacifier. That was a rough stretch for us. We had a few sleepless nights in a row and then she seemed to be good for a couple weeks.

Then out of no where, I think probably due to visiting friends out of town a couple weeks in a row where she slept with us she got used to it and now has been doing this at night;

7:30-8 ish she goes to bed.
Midnight she wakes up.
Falls asleep while I rock her.
Put her back in crib, and instantly wakes back up.

We rock again, and again. Still she wakes back up.

Then, I give in and bring her in bed with us. Where she falls fast asleep into a deep slumber.

This has been. going. on. for. weeks!

I worry about her crying it out.

I worry that she isn't getting enough sleep.

We've tried everything I can think of.

I worry that she's developing bad sleep habits, or that it's a bad practice we've started letting her sleep with us when she wakes up in the middle of the night.

Going home for Christmas for two weeks, didn't help our case any. She didn't want to sleep in her own crib there either.

A couple nights ago she woke up again, same thing wouldn't go back to sleep. I drug my sleepy self down the hall to her room. I seamlessly picked her up and fell into the rocking chair with her and began to rock her back and forth, back and forth.

I must have fallen asleep myself, because when I woke up I found myself in a pain because my neck hurt from the position I was in. I didn't know what time it was, all I knew was that I was uncomfortable.

I walked back down the hall with my child in arms, her heavy sleepy body curled into me and we went back to our bedroom together. I laid her down, in the middle of us and she rolled over and continued to sleep.

It was there that I listened to her breathe, her snoring too. I sat up watching her in the dark that night. Orion woke up and asked what I was doing.

I told him; "Watching Ava sleep, I could just watch her for hours."

He said; "Yeah, me too."

Hey Babe; "Are we developing a really bad habit by letting her sleep with us?"

"Shh, he said. "She's only little once, It's ok."

That statement got me thinking that night as I lie there in bed watching her sleep.

There are times when we "break the rules" during our parenting by letting her sleep with us. Sometimes we do the opposite of "what the experts" say you should or shouldn't do.

Orion reminded me that everything is not so cookie cutter when it comes to parenting. I am a firm believer now that every parent knows their child the best.

Ava is happy. She's is a vibrant little girl.

It's ok to break whatever the rules are every once and a while I tell myself, she is after all only small once.

This phase will pass, and soon we'll be onto the next challenge. The next thing with her.

Even though some phases and challenges seem to last longer than others, I am reminded to enjoy the season we are in.

I'm a firm believer that each Parent knows their child best, break your own ground. Do what you feel and know in your heart is best. Make your own rules for your family.

The Real Reason I'm Not Pregnant with #2

It's that season again, somethings in the air and people are drinking the water. I have a bunch of friends who are pregnant again, and 3 who just had babies within the last month.

It seems like every time I log onto Facebook someone is announcing the news, or saying they just had their baby. It's a really exciting time right now for a lot of people I know. And, I know just first hand how exciting this time of life can be especially when it's your first baby.

Sure it would be exciting and fun to be pregnant with them, and experience that together. I'd be lying if I didn't say I've thought about it. Then, my husband gently reminds me that just because your friends are pregnant doesn't mean you should be too.

I suppose he's right. ;)

Orion and I are hitting that natural time when our first child is over a year and people start to ask when you're going to have another?! Friends, family {especially family} they all want to know. I can't blame them.

We do want more kids.

It's not even the fertility issues that scare me. Well, I'd be lying if I said I didn't think about them from time to time.

But, the truth is I really am just enjoying Ava. There are days when I fight motherhood guilt stronger than other days. The reality for me is that I hardly feel like I am with her, it tears me apart. I spend 10+ hours a day away from her and by the time I get home I don't wanna do anything but be with her.

I don't want to cook, or clean or do really much of anything except play on the floor with toys. Sing silly and annoying {but she loves them} Yo-Gabba-Gabba songs together. I'm tempted to keep her up past her bed time every night just because I want to spend more time with her. But, I know that I shouldn't and so I do my best to keep her on her schedule so she can get the rest she needs.

No, the real reason is I long for time with her.

There's still so many things that I want to experience with her. I want to take one last family vacation

with her. There's still so many things this family of three hasn't done yet.

The other truth?

Being a working mom, isn't my calling. It's been a little over a year since I went back to work full time. Truthfully, it's the hardest thing I've ever done being away from her.

It's something I've cried over. Something I agonize about. Feelings I fight daily.

Prayed over. Found peace in the sense that it's only for a season. But, it doesn't make it any easier. It makes it a little easier but not really.



I truly know that every mother no matter if they work inside the home or outside works so very hard. It doesn't matter to me what you do, or how you make it work for your family. The beauty is that you get to choose what's best for your family.

I knew going back to work that it wouldn't be forever, when I started working full time it became abundantly clear that this wasn't where I was to be. It took me a long time to come to grips & have peace about the season the Lord had me in.

The other reason I'm not pregnant with number two, is because I don't want to work full time.

I want to be at home with my children. Teaching them. Playing with them, raising them the way Orion and I want to, and feel called to do.

And, before that happens I want Ava to have time with me. More like, I want to have time with her. Just her. I want her to feel completely and utterly adored and cared for. I want to take the time and nest with her and a brand new baby.



I know this season will come to an end.

The Lord knows the desire of my heart. I believe that he has a perfect plan for us.

I believe in the right timing of things too.

Sure, I think about how far apart in age Ava will be to her future sibling, sure I wonder about the age difference, I go back and forth in my mind playing these situations over and over again life a broken record.

But, then again I am reminded of God's peace he's given us about this decision.

Remaining faithful to his promise to me.

In the mean time, we will wait. We will enjoy every single day. hour. minute with our girl!

Cherishing those family mornings when we're all snuggling in bed together. The endless amounts of gabba on the t.v. and every moment in between.

he sat next to me

I woke up early for my 8 am flight with my little one, it was the first time I've flown alone with her since she was three months old. I knew this time would be a little different. When we flew back in July Orion was with me and we shared the load of our active toddler. {i still have a hard time thinking of her that way, she's still my baby.}

To say the least I was nervous about traveling with her this time. I strategically packed as minimal as I could, knowing that I was going to have a carry on, diaper bag and stroller with me this time. In my mind I was reviewing how it was all going to go down at security check point.

We breezed through security, got there in plenty of time, a sweet man behind me helped me put all my stuff on the counter. While everyone behind me was patient as I took out everything liquid, and removed two sets of shoes and everything else you have to do in the airports these days.

One of the perks about flying with children, is pre boarding. Ava and I boarded our first 3 hour flight, we got to our seats and she was instantly fascinated with the window shade and looking outside and pulling it down then back up again.

A sweet family of four sat in the rows behind us, with their kiddos who'd never flown before. They sat there, while the rest of the plane boarded explaining to their kids who had a million questions about flying and why this and why that. It was cute, and I kinda chuckled to myself thinking that will be us one day explaining to Ava once she can fully understand flying one day.

Then he sat next to me.

A man, with black thick rimmed glasses looking all trendy in his skinny jeans and hat. We didn't say hello. He sat, I payed attention to Ava.

Completely wrapped up in keeping Ava occupied with snacks, toys and singing.

After a while, I heard the grunting, huffing and puffing from the guy sitting next to me. The kids behind us still asking questions to their parents. Being kids, they weren't yelling. Just lots of chatter between the family.

Then it became clear, this guy did not like kids. Ava was singing, and playing with her musical toys when an annoyed grunt came from him, then the eye rolling started. It was no more about the family behind me, it was about my kid too!

Then Ava touched him.

I thought the world was going to end right there. He let out a dramatic huff and eye roll and gave me a death glare as he tried to move farther away from us. I quickly apologized and said I was sorry she touched him.

He was fuming. I was hugging the side of the air plane wall as much as I could to keep Ava and her arms away from him.

More eye rolls ensued. More dramatic huffing and puffing was displayed. The more he reacted, the more I started to feel insecure about my parenting skills. I could feel my Momma bear instincts rising up wanting to keep my child clear of this person.

He didn't like kids. He wasn't fond of us, he wasn't fond of the family behind us either.

I was thinking of all the things I could have said to this man. How I could have defended myself, or the family behind me. It took everything inside me to keep quiet and not let my anger or hurt take over the thoughts that would come out of my mouth.

Instead I choose to smile. I choose to take care of my daughter in the best possible way I knew how in a small air plane, during a three and a half hour flight. I choose to keep my cool in front of my daughter, and reflect the Love of Christ to this man regardless of his actions to us or other people.

I started rocking Ava back and forth in my seat, while whispering sweet songs into her ear. After a while I felt her body weight fall into my arms as she fell into a slumber. I felt my worries melt away in those moments.

There were so many things I could have snapped back to this man. But, none of them would have mattered.

But, sitting there with my daughter listening to her breathe and holding her was more important than anything else in those moments.

I learned some valuable lessons during that flight about people and myself. I realized, that in most cases you're not going to be able to ever control people's thoughts or opinions about yourself. I learned that I need to be confident in who I am as a parent.

Parenting can be so hard sometimes, and it's not only other parents that are willing to judge your parenting but also complete strangers and you just need to be confident, do your thing and let the rest go and focus on your children.

You won't change them. It's ok if you don't. Focusing on your kids is what is more important and worth your time. I learned that I will never again let someone else make me feel insecure about my parenting or my child.

Ava is amazing. She's happy and healthy. She's a kid, they squirm, they squeal, they yell and throw cheerios on the floor. They smile, laugh and play too.

It's ok.

None of this makes them bad children, or you a bad parent.

So the next time you're in public with your child and worried about what people are thinking, remember that you are great, everything you're feeling and going through is normal. You are an amazing parent, your kids love you and life goes forward.

12 in 12: Book #6



Parenting Isn't for Cowards

by Dr. James Dobson

{click here to buy}

For the month of June I decided to start reading one of my parenting books I've picked up. I've heard a lot of good things about Dr. James Dobson's books so I was excited to start reading this book. Most of his work and advice is geared towards the strong willed child, which I don't think Ava is at this point and she probably won't be if her current temperament is any indication. However, this book was a real encouragement to me as a parent. He has a lot of great things to say towards encouraging parents to trust their gut, and do their best in Parenthood.

I found myself accessing my childhood and comparing how my parents raised me to the words he was saying on the page. He covers a lot about siblings and the interaction between siblings. I could totally see my own siblings in his words. He covered a lot about discipline, and starting this early in children and the habits and patterns that form in children who aren't disciplined as children. It was very affirming and insightful for me as a young/new parent.

Parenting is one of those interesting life phases. Everyone does it differently. I feel like at the end of the day I trust my gut and my gut. And ask for the Lord's help everyday to be a great parent to Ava, and to be the kind parent she needs.

Overall, I enjoyed this book and would recommend it.

{***** my rating}





tiny human

That's what Orion called Ava the other day, as she was walking around the house. He said;

"Look at her, she's such a tiny human."

Beside the obvious that she's a small little baby, she's only in the 10% percentile for height of kids her age. She's not destined to be tall by any means with parents like us. It's not in her gene make up, although maybe some of those Dutch genes may have skipped me and gone straight to my children, we'll see.

Every day I'm always thinking about the overwhelming and joyous responsibility that we have as parents. There are days when I'm overwhelmed by the responsibility. Days when I think about all that I want to teach her, my mind revels with ideas and thoughts all the time.

But mostly, I am just in awe of who she is. Her personality, and how she changes daily. Being her mom, becoming parents has blessed me in a way that I never imagined it could.

We get to raise her. Be there for her and our future children. Teach them things. Smile, laugh and be silly with them. I think about how I can't wait to bake cakes with her someday, go on more family vacations, attend dance recitals or whatever other activity she is apart of. Parenting is a big job. One that I am excited to have, but feel so under qualified sometimes for. But, I try to remember that God has equipped me for it. He's my strength when I am weak and don't feel cut out.

With a year under our belts, can we call ourselves veterans?

Mother's Day has always been a big celebration in my home growing up, with my Mother's birthday either on or after Mother's Day depending on the year it falls. We always celebrate big. Father's Day too is much the same. I'm the girl who walks into Target and comes out with a handful of Father's Day cards to give to all the Dads in my life.

I didn't grow up with a "traditional" Dad relationship. My biological father was absent most of my life, and isn't in my life now. At a very young tender age I accepted Christ as my Savior and I truly believe that he protected me from feelings of abandonment, hurt and anger towards my own Father. Sure, I had those thoughts and feelings from time to time, but mostly they stemmed from not understanding. Until I came to a point where I realized I will never understand why my own father left, why he never saw me or my sister growing up, I probably could go on an on about a lot of things "he didn't do."

When I say the Lord protected me, I truly believe it. And more than protected me he blessed with with a loving Step Father who was more a Father to me that my own bio logical father. He raised me, taught me the value of right and wrong, provided for me, and loved me even though I wasn't his own. I became his little girl. For that I am forever grateful and thankful for.

He will be a father to the fatherless.

Psalm 68:5

Orion's Dad left when he was 13 years old and he hasn't seen him since. There's so much of our past that comes out in our daily lives, so much of it affects what we think, how we feel and how we respond to life. My husband didn't have a Dad around to help shape, grow and nurture those formative years in his life. But, the Lord had a plan and placed amazing Godly men around him in his life to teach him, be there for him and grow his relationship with the Lord.

I am so thankful for a Godly husband who loves the Lord and will help guide and direct our children.

Proverbs 22:6

New Living Translation (NLT)

6 Direct your children onto the right path,

and when they are older, they will not leave it.

We may not be able to control or change the past but the wonderful thing about being parents now is that we get to choose the way we parent, and how we're going to be there for our children. It's so amazing this love we have as parents.

Our past has one story.

But, our future has an even better one.

Neither one of us grew up with our Dads in our lives, but we've allowed God's love to overwhelm us and we've chosen a better path.

I heard this song a while back, and I just love the words. As I sat listening to it, I imagined Orion with our children. He's already an awesome Dad to Ava. The way he loves her, plays with her, and protects her is amazing to me. It's such a blessing to have him so passionate about being her Daddy.

She loves him so. I look forward to watching their relationship grow. I look forward to seeing his role as her Father take shape.

I am so blessed. 

If you'd still like to donate to the Brooker's adoption fund please GO HERE, donations will be open till June 10th!

{Sponsor Love} Tea Collection Sale

{this post was brought to you by Tea, all opinions are 100% mine}



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Psst..... my first blog post on Parent Palace is up for your viewing you can read it here. And if you're looking to donate & win some awesome prizes for a great cause you can donate to the Brooker's adoption fund here and be entered to win some awesome stuff. Thank you!

I debated for a while about sharing this on the blog, but then I realized that;

1. I never heard this while I was pregnant & preparing for Motherhood.

2. If I can bring awareness & help another struggling Mommy than this is worth sharing.

3. It's my blog, so I get to talk about whatever I want. :)

As I mentioned in the previous post, when I took Ava to the doctor last week they told me that she lost 7 ounces. They asked about her eating habits and how much I was giving her. After explaining everything and going over it the doctor determined that as this point she thinks Ava isn't getting enough from me with strictly breast feeding. 

When I pumped two weeks ago I noticed that I only had gotten 2 oz. and usually I'd gotten at least 4 oz. I thought maybe from that experience something was up, and my milk supply might be lower from where it once was. But, in my own ignorance I just figured my body was making what she needed and it wasn't as issue. 

You can imagine how my heart sank when he doctor told me she wasn't getting enough at each feeding. I felt pain and hurt that mostly I wasn't able to give her what she needed. I felt guilty automatically. I wondered how can we fix this and make it right?

Ava's doctor suggested that we supplement with formula for now to see if it's an issue of her not being able to gain weight or something more. 

I came home that day, and I won't lie it was really hard. Now, we were entering a world of formula something we haven't done in the last 6 months. She's been strictly breast fed nothing else. She did well with the first few bottles and was doing well switching back and forth. 

The next couple days were a little rough. I think the hardest thing has been the emotional side of all this. While I was pregnant I knew I wanted to try breast feeding, I didn't know how I'd do or how she'd do. But, she took to it like it and I embraced it as it has become the most natural thing to me. Something that I look forward to every time, something that bonds us and is special to us. 

Panic and fear set in my mind thinking, would I still have that bond with her if I wasn't breast feeding? Would she still want me? Is, that silly or what? 

It is. 

But, if I'm being honest I thought that, all those things. 

It's a crazy feeling to feel like I can't nourish my child the way that I wanted to or expected to. 

The last week I've been angry at my body for not "doing" what everyone else's can do. But, also in the last week God has given me peace that everything is going to be ok. That he's the ultimate provider and he will take care of Ava. 

I've come to a peace that whatever way we need to get her to a healthy weight that's what we'll do. 

And I am reminded every time I sing her to sleep, nurse her or bottle feed her, change her outfits because she spit up on herself that she needs me! 

That nothing will take away or tarnish our bond. The bond that we've formed is strong and lasting because at the end of all this;

She's my daughter. 

And, I am her Mommy. And that is forever.

We've Been......

Taking advantage of Daddy's days off. 

Testing out and playing with Mom's new camera Uncle Shawn got her for her birthday.

Snuggling in the mornings. 

Learning to sit up on our own. 

Wearing matching t-shirts and cheering on Mom's favorite team. 

Practicing my cheer leading skills.

Relaxing with Mom and wishing that days didn't go by so fast. 

We hope whatever you've been up to has been as much fun as we've been having here at the Worley House! 

Mommy Milestones

The life of being new parents is filled everyday with new milestones, changes and exciting things. As each day approaches I'm in anticipation of what she'll do next. Each month she changes and I can't believe how fast it's all going by. 

It's like I just want to bottle up each moment put them on shelves, so I can open them up and re live them, over and over again. I suppose that's what pictures and blog post are for. Making them memories and then taking the time to record them is a big part of our lives. We get the cameras ready, the video camera charged, wait patiently for those moments to capture. 

We smile and revel in them, for they are perfect and exciting no matter what the stage we're going through. 

All these milestones that we record of our children got me thinking, "What about the Mommy milestones?"

You know, those moments when you feel a small amount of victory in this crazy parenting gig? 

The moments when you feel like you finally got it, and your kids get it too. 

The moments when you put back on your pre pregnancy clothing and they fit to your surprise?!! ( I had that moment this week.) 

The moments when you feel like you and your little ones are finally getting into a sweet groove and routine and it's bliss. 

I feel like that right now, Ava and I are in this great little routine. I know what to pretty much expect from her, how she's going to act, what she's going to do. She naps so well, and it's predictable for the most part. And, I know that I still have a lot to learn and give but I feel like I'm finding out where I want to be as a parent in this stage of life. 

(taken of me & Ava during a rather hard night)

I was smiling in this picture but inside I was thinking, I can't do this. She's crying she won't stop, there are people over, what are they going to think?

But, we got through it. We made headway, we made it to the other side. I have more patience and love than I ever thought I could. 

These are simple, but I want to celebrate every single 'Mommy Milestone' that I have. Cherish these and remember them. 

Because before I know it they will be gone, and we'll be onto the next thing. 

Some Things I've Learned

the hard way in Mommywood.......

I feel like parenting & motherhood is much like the first year of marriage. Lots of trial and error, and finding things out sometimes the hard way, it's a learning process. 

Ava is a pretty good baby, for which I am very thankful. I don't think I could ask for any better. 

There's a few things I've learned these past 12 weeks, things I'll never do again, things that have been revelations to me, and things that I'm finally getting. 

I've learned the hard way that Organic cotton reusable nursing pads do not work, no matter how absorbent they say they are, or how many times you wash them. 

I've learned the hard way to always re stock your diaper bag after every outing, and have an extra change of clothing on hand. 

I've learned that each baby is different, and you have to figure out what works for you. 

I've learned that Babywise doesn't always have the answers, and you have to tailor it so to speak to fit the needs of your child. 

I've learned to find my groove with nursing and that it's OK to figure out what works for your and your child. 

I've learned that I prefer Pampers wipes over Huggies. 

And that it's time to move up a size in diapers when she's had blow out after blow out and they aren't contained any longer. 

I've learned that babies really do thrive on routine, and I really like that. It really makes my life easy. 

I've learned that Motherhood is every bit as fulfilling, as I wanted and prayed that it would be. 

image via google

{smitten}

It's just a little past midnight here, the hubs is curled up next to me. The baby is sleeping in her own bed tonight. 

i am sitting here thinking about how truly blessed i am tonight, and every day for that matter. 

i never knew a love for someone like i know now for Ava. it's a whole different kind of love, a whole new amazing feeling. 

and daily i am smitten by her and the things she does. 

seeing the world through her eyes now makes my heart smile. and i can't wait to walk this journey with her, and take in all the things she takes in as if i too are seeing them for the first time again. 

there are so many things i love about this phase of life right now, and i thank god daily that he choose me to be her mommy, that he choose orion & i to be her parents.

as orion held her tonight and walked her around the kitchen while i was making dinner he began to explain to her what everything was and what it did, even though i know she won't be caring much about that coffee grinder sitting on the counter. never the less he explained to her what it did and told her how much mom loves her coffee.

i thought to myself, this is it:

this is our new world, our new lives, and i love this life. 

i love that she squeals with delight in the mornings when it just the three of us in bed before daddy is off to work for the day. 

i love her little smile and all the wonderful faces she makes that are so exciting to see. 

i love her big eyes that when she looks at me our eyes meet and i get that feeling that she knows me and loves me. 

i love how she follows me with those same eyes and won't let me out of her sight. 

i love just how she fits into my arms and sinks in a little deeper when she finally falls asleep and all her dead body weight is mine to hold. 

i love watching my husband be a daddy. a role that i have seen him take on all his own, like it's second nature. 

after a long days work he still comes home and bath time and holding our girl are all he wants to do. i am grateful that even after a long day at work he wants to be a team and give her baths and change her clothes and i am thankful for the help after a long day. 

i love that he tries to sing 'A Whole New World' to her tonight, but doesn't know all the words so he makes them up and keeps on singing to her. 

her curly, messy hair in its natural state is the most beautiful thing to me. 

how she's growing and changing every single day amazes me and at the same time I want to bottle it and take it with me, or freeze it in time. 

i love what she's teaching me about myself and she doesn't even know it yet. 

i love all her coo's and mmmm's that she makes and it's like we're having our own conversation and God is the translator of all that chatter. 

she loves to nurse and so i let her for as long as she wants. we don't watch the clock, we just are.

i love the way she props her foot up on my arm while she nurses, and if you try to move it or it falls out of place she gets it right back up there where she wants it. 

i love to watch her little fingers move and her arms, even though often times i'll look down while nursing and see that he fingers are ever so slightly "giving me the bird."

i smile and chuckle to myself, or quickly get orion cause it's just to cute to go un noticed.

i love the way she "holds & grips" my shirt while nursing, and a simple little tug lets me know she's still with me. 

i love that milk drunk look she gets on her face, and how she sometimes falls asleep as the wheel while nursing. even thought they say not to, sometimes I let her. 

i love that she's my little alarm clock.

she's becoming her own person more and more each day. she already had likes and dislikes and they are obvious at times. 

i can't wait for all the memories that we're going to make together. 

she's my muse, she makes me want to be a better person, she makes me want to do more, and reminds me of God's purpose every day.

i love that i see daddy's hands and my nose on her. 

i love that already she's calm like her daddy, but a chatter box like her mommy. 

she's finding her voice.

but most of all i simply love that she's ours.

three month pictures by mommy (more to come)

Understanding.

I'm a firm believer that you really don't know something until you've walked it and experienced it for yourself. 

Sure you can play scenarios in your mind all day long about what you think you would say or do, or how you think you might act or react towards something, but you never really know until you're there. 

Until your in that situation, or frame of mind. Get what I'm saying?!?

I didn't understand the world of marriage really until I was married. I was the last of my college girlfriends to get married. They were all married for a year or more by the time I married Orion. They we all dating well before I even found Orion. And once, they got married I must admit their lives changed and mine stayed the same and often times I didn't understand why or how their lives changed once they enter marriage. 

There were times when I wanted it to be "just the girls" but husbands and schedules had to be consulted. They were going through things that this single girl knew nothing of. 

Luckily I had some amazing married friends that took care of this single girl. (thank you Ben & Sara)

Mommywood & Parenting are much like that for me, a world that I didn't understand until now. 

I knew what kind of Mommy I wanted to be. I know what kind of parent I strive to be. I know what Orion and I agree on what is and isn't appropriate for our family. 

And, I believe that no two families are alike. What may work for us may not for the next. I think you have to find out what works best for your family. Trial & Error. Ups & Downs. 

I know Orion and I have only tipped the scale on this parenting thing. But, I am starting to understand all the little things that make up this new life. And, I'm finding new understanding and appreciation for my girlfriends who have already been there. 

They are my life line, my source of go to when I need a question answered or just a sympathetic ear. 

I now know how easy it is to not be on time anymore. To take longer to get ready in the mornings even when you have the tiniest person relying on you to take care of them. 

How easily a cell phone could be missed placed and you miss all your calls for the day. 

I today, have more understanding for what my other Mommy friends have already been through. I know just how hard it can be some days. Just how time consuming it all can be. 

And how at the end of the day being with your baby(ies) and your love is all that matters. 

Being a stay at home Mom was not a world I grew up in, it's not a world I even knew was a reality till now. 

My Mom was a full time working Momma. I didn't know any different or that there was. I thought all Moms worked when I was a kid. 

My Mom worked hard. She's the hardest working gal I know, and she raised 4 kids. I have a better appreciation for single working Mothers because my Mom was once one. 

Little did I know staying at home, was BIG major work. Just the same as a Mom who got up everyday and went to work. These Moms work too they just have a shorter commute. 

Before I even thought about having kids, I thought I'd be a working Mom. I really had no desire to stay at home. But, my priorities have changed. This is what is for me. Maybe no one else but me. 

Now, I can't imagine leaving her and going anywhere else. But, still if duty called and I needed to return to work I would do anything to help provide for her and my family. 

As I gain more and more knowledge of where God has me in these exact moments, I know he's molding and creating a different Andrea than yesterday or even five years ago. 

As I welcome myself to the 'Mommy Club' like so many others I pray that I will not take these moments or others for granted like I have in the past. 

I vow, to always be understanding and know that things aren't always as they seem from the outside. 

I promise to live each day for the day, in the moment, looking for what God has in store. 

Always understanding, always giving people the benefit of the doubt, always giving a second chance.

I want to bloom.