Giving Up, In Order to Gain.

Life is interesting in a way that it takes twists and turns that you never expected. How different seasons of life change you in ways that you never thought they would. Life is this vast collection of experiences and moments made up with people and circumstances. The older I get the more reflective I get as well. The more I re evaluate what is working and not working in my life. The more I ask God, "Where do you have me?" or "What is your will in this season?"

Did you catch that? In this season?

There was a long period of years in my life when I thought that what God called me to back when I was in my early teens and twenties was what my life would be and look like for the rest of my life. 

Not to say that it doesn't always look like that for some. I think it just depends on where you're at in your own faith journey. Everyone has different conversations with God, yours are probably very different than mine. And then again they just might be the same depending on what we're talking about. 

For a long time I didn't want anything to change. I felt the stirring in my heart, I felt God calling me to move on from certain areas of my life. And you know what? I couldn't let them go. Even though I knew that he was leading me in that direction, even though I knew that it would be a time for growth I didn't want to let them go. 

And when we feel God calling us in any area and we don't act in obedience, that result is direct disobedience. And what can God do in my life when I am choosing not to follow him even in the smallest areas? Simple answer, not a whole lot.

I end up doing things in my own strength, without God. And that's not who he's called me to be. In my flesh it's hard to give things up that I want, or that I hold dear for some reason. The last six months I felt that stirring. I felt God telling me, "Andrea, you need to let this go, in order to see what I really have for you." 

"You are not defined by this, you are defined by me."

You may not know, but for the last seven years I've been a licensed minister. I have a certificate that shows that I'm a legit licensed Pastor. I felt God call me to ministry when I was a teen, and for a long time I ran from a ministry calling out of fear. In college I finally accepted that call on my life and took steps in my education to complete a degree and gain my ministers license. I've been licensed ever since. 

I had dreams of being a pastor in a local church and doing ministry with my husband. And for a while we were doing just that. Over time our circumstances have changed and God has us in a different place. 

I kept my credentials for a long time, renewing them every year because I thought God would bring us into full time ministry. When that didn't happen the way I thought it should I'll be honest and tell you that I was frustrated and confused. 

After a while my ministers license became a sore point for me. When people would ask me about it, when I would see it (the paper) sitting framed in a box. And then it became this sort of validation for me. A validation for my faith, a validation for people, a symbol of status in a way. It was everything to me that it shouldn't be. 

And that's when I felt God saying let it go. That's when I realized that it doesn't and shouldn't define me or my faith. Is that to say that I'll never be licensed again? I don't know, I don't know what plans God has for me in that area. 

What I do know is that I'm walking in obedience right now, where he's leading me. I'm giving up in order to gain....

Perspective.

A piece of my relationship with Christ back, that I let get clouded for to long. 

And letting God fill those voids in my heart that are left there from disappointed over the issue of not being in full time ministry. The reality is that I need to get back to the heart of ministering to people weather or not I have a piece of paper next to my name that says "I can." And do it because it's my heart, and that's what God's called me to first.

White As Snow.

This past year was a good one for so many reasons.

We bought a house at the end of January. We learned what life was like with two kiddos around the house. Ava started dance class, which has been so fun. Zane learned to walk, and had a million other milestones that we cheered for and rejoiced for. My Grandparents moved across the street from us, we had tons of family come visit us throughout the year. We traveled to Iowa twice. 

As with anything in life we had joys but I also had ups and downs in my life. This past year I also left my full time job to stay at home with my two little ones. A dream that I had in my heart for a long time. It was all I ever wanted. I kinda muddled through this thing called motherhood for much of the year. I had a three year old and a baby and all of a sudden I didn't know what to do. Most days I felt like I missed the mark, that I was failing or that I wasn't doing what I thought I should.

I'll be honest and say that going from one to two kids really threw me for a loop. It challenged me, brought out the worst in me at times, and stretched me as well. 

It also left me with a feeling that I felt like I couldn't place which in turn made me retreat inward. It left me feeling kinda paralized in so many ways. Most days were messy, most days I felt like I was in the thick of it and wondered if anyone noticed that I was drowning. At least that's how I felt most days. 

These feelings manifested themselves in ways that I didn't know they would. It's probably the biggest reason that in the last year you didn't see as many pictures of my children. I fought so many wars within myself about how much or little I should share on my blog about my children. 

At times I didn't feel that great about myself as how I was mothering, I felt like I didn't know what to say, so I just didn't. I felt a bit stuck. 

I poured my energy into other things that mattered. Some that didn't matter that I'm not proud of. I spent more time multitasking when it didn't matter. I let my house go for to many days. My marriage suffered at times. There were times that I just didn't feel like I measured up to anything. 

To put it plainly I felt like I lost myself a little bit this past year. Here I was a new mom of 2, not really knowing that that meant and feeling like I didn't do that well. I really struggled with this a lot during this past year. I went from working full time to being at home and not really knowing where my place was. 

I thought I would be attending play date after play date, and I didn't. I thought I could successfully homeschool Ava through preschool and most days I couldn't get her to sit down with me. 

 I love, love old hymns. I love to sing them and pray the words out loud. There's this old one called "Jesus Paid It All" that I love. The chorus goes like this;

Jesus paid it all

All to him I owe

Sin has left a crimson stain

He washed it white as snow

I love these words so much. Even though this year was kinda messy, and I felt like I was deep in the throws of motherhood and finding myself again God started reminding me of who I was in Him. 

The wonderful thing about Jesus is that he gives us a new beginning. And I need that. Everyday I need that. I need his grace and mercy in my life. I'm so thankful for his grace, for his saving grace. I'm thankful that when I needed it most it was there. 

Even when I didn't feel good enough, or when I felt like I was barely making it as a wife and mother God reminded me of this calling of being just that for this season of life. 

As I look towards this next year of Thriving as a wife, mother and person I'm challenging myself with the things God has taught me and opened my eyes to.

Less multitasking and more sitting down and being there.

More sharing about what's on my heart with the people he's placed close to me.

More sharing my heart here on the blog and less worried about what others will think and say.

More celebrating life's everyday moments. 

More reminding me that God's grace is enough. He's enough. He takes even the messiest parts and makes them white as snow.

What are some things that you are learning about yourself? 

A Small but Big Dream.

It's Friday. Oh Friday how I welcome thee. The weekend ahead, with nothing on the agenda except celebrating my sweet hubby's birthday. 

Ava and I will bake him a pie, at his request for his birthday. 

We'll do our best to be lazy but that may not happen because I've got to many projects on want to complete. 

When Orion and I got married we lived out of state from family. We lived 4 hours away from my family. During this time it was nice to be only  a few hours away and be able to make it home for parties, vacations and holidays. 

When we moved to Arizona it was a time in our lives where a lot of things were changing that were out of our control. We needed a fresh start, I was newly pregnant and we looked forward to starting a family in this new adventure. 

Once Ava was born everything changed for me. I began to miss my family even more, and longed to be closer to them. I wanted them to see Ava grow up, I wanted them to be apart of our family moments. 

If we were having coffee today I would tell you that for the last couple of years that has been my dream. A small dream. But yet a dream that seemed way to big to ever even happen. 

Orion and I last last few years have attempted many times to move out of Arizona. It's true. We've applied for jobs, sent resumes, had phone interviews all that led nowhere. Doors closed left and right, and it became clear that God had us here. 

So we started looking for a house, and decided that this is where we would be for a while. Orion got a raise at his job which we were so very thankful for, I was able to stay at home with my kids. And I quietly tucked this dream of living near family away in my heart. 

All while silently at night saying prayers to God about it. We've had sort of a "if we build it they will come" mentality. Thinking maybe just maybe the longer we live here, some of our family will move here someday. Someday.

Can I tell you something? Something so amazing, I could just cry right now as I type this! These are my Grandparents, aren't they cute?!! Yes, yes they are. 

I know not everyone is close to their grandparents, but I am extremely close to them. They have been such an important part of my life. They taught me about the Lord, my Grandmother taught me about prayer. She taught me how to sew so many years ago. My grandfather is funny, I get my quick whit from him. And I'll never forget the day he walked me down aisle on my wedding day. 

My small but very big dream is coming true this weekend. 

A dream that seemed so, so big God has had his hand in all the while. 

They are moving here. 

I almost didn't want to talk about it for fear that it just might not be true. I didn't want to rub it in to my other family, but I'm also just so excited I could burst.

And not only are they moving here, but they are moving right across the street from me and my family. 

The Lord has long since known my desires and he has answered this prayer that I've had on my heart for so long. I am so thankful. 

I can not wait to have them close. I look forward to having them around for everyday life, holidays and everything else. 

If we were having coffee today I would tell you that even though something may seem oh so small to you, it may not be small to God. And those prayers that you think are to small to pray God wants to hear them. He wants to answer them. So go ahead, let him.

Dealing with Feelings of Rejection

Feelings of rejection aren't just reserved for our teenage years, as long as you have a heart beat I'm sure at some point in your life you will feel the sting of rejection. It doesn't matter if you're an adult, sometimes you still feel rejection from time to time.

Resting in Christ means being secure with who he made you to be. Knowing that he made you for a purpose, and that purpose is good and God divined.

In my experience feelings of rejection are simply a manifestation of our own insecurities and fears about ourselves. Last year my husband and I felt this rejecting feeling when we applied for a ministry position that we interviewed for and didn't end up going past the first initial interview.

There was disappointment, sadness and ultimately feelings of rejection that followed. Those were our initial feelings during this time, and that's OK. We're allowed to have a feeling and a response to what happens to us in our lives.

I think a lot of times as Christians and believers we think that we have to be above all these feelings. We tend to think that since God has given us his grace and that we shouldn't feel this way or that we feel like we should be "above" all this if we believe Jesus saved and redeemed us. The problem with that is that our feelings then can become a real struggle. But the reality is that we're allowed to feel things, we're allowed to have a reaction God created us this way as humans to feel things.

But it's what we do with our reaction that is most important in these times. The following are some ways that I deal with these feelings in my own life. In all things I've realized that we have to keep our perspective. When you look through the lens of Godly perspective on our lives, everything changes.

PRAY without ceasing......
We pray because it's our way to communicate our feelings to Christ, and it brings us closer to Him. As I said you're allowed to feel, this is a natural process that all people have. God created us with feelings, he created us to feel life. But it's a fine line between letting those feelings take over your heart and emotions and GIVING those feelings to Christ and let him work them out. How do we do this? WE PRAY. We pray without ceasing and bring these feelings to Christ.

Read the word, be in the WORD......
When you're praying and in the word daily (read your Bible) and consistently we're armed and ready to deal with whatever feelings that come our way. We're better prepared to take those feelings to God.

SEPARATE the feelings from the REALITY.....
In our case we felt feelings of rejection over being passed up for a job. I had to remind myself that even though I felt rejection that the reality is I wasn't rejected, we were not rejected. We just weren't a good fit for this job.

We have to be careful with our feelings and not let them over run our reality or the truth in situations.

The enemy would love to lie to us, play off our feelings and make us think things are bigger than they are.

He would love nothing more than for us to go down a rabbit hole of emotions. In those cases we have to remember who Christ made us to be.

The Lord will fight for you, you need only to be still. Exodus 14:14

Listen, you can not apologize for who you are. You can't apologize for just being yourself. Sometimes you just aren't a good fit for something and that's OK.

I'm confident in who I am in Christ, I am confident in my husband and myself. I need to remind myself of these things when I start to feel this way, and want to have a pity party for myself. A pity party only brings you down and magnifies your feelings. Instead I want to be confident in who I am in Christ and bring those things to the surface.

Happiness vs. Contentment

Can I tell you something about myself? 

It took me a long time to realize that contentment and happiness are not the same thing. 

Can I tell you something else? It took me a long time to truly be content in my life. To come to a place of peace and contentment. 

Our happiness is based on the good things that happen to us. It's based on how good these emotions make us feel. 

I feel really good when my Husband brings me flowers, it makes me happy. But the question is, would I still feel this way if he never brought me another bouquet of flowers again? Would I be content knowing that he loves me?

Being content means that I know he loves me even if he never brought me flowers again as an extra gesture of his love. 

Being content means that you have a peace that only Christ can give and no matter what circumstances you might find yourself in life you will always come back to God's love for you and his plan for your life.

I really struggled with this and I didn't even know it. I didn't know it until my husband really opened my eyes to it. During a period in my life where I had every reason to question our circumstances I made a choice to know God's love for me was much bigger than my circumstances, and that if I allowed him he'd take that mess and make something glorious out of it. 

If you want to breed un happiness in your life focus on what you don't have. Focus on what your friends have that you wish you did. Compare yourself, your families and your lives and you will surely be unhappy, and maybe a little depressed. 

I learned that contentment meant relying on Christ and that my happiness was not determined by the circumstances of my life. 

Philippians 4:12 (NIV)

I know what it is to be in need, and I know what it is to have plenty. I have learned the secret of being content in any and every situation, whether well fed or hungry, whether living in plenty or in want.

Nope, life is not perfect and it still throws so much at me on a daily basis but I've changed my heart and kept my perspective on Christ. It has made all the difference in living a content life and knowing that my life is NOT determined by my feelings alone. 

As I pursue my relationship with the Lord I believe one of the overflowings of that is a content spirit. 

1 Timothy 6:6 (KJV)

But godliness with contentment is great gain.

I encourage you today if you're struggling with this today to pray and seek God's wisdom. I pray that you would be able to find the source of your discontent, and that it would be replaced with JOY. 

HIS love runs deep for us.

When we were in the hospital for the first time when I gave birth to Ava, I remember those first few seconds they put her on my chest and Orion and I sat there and just starred and cried at this little miracle. So overwhelmed with love and all kinds of emotions as first time parents. 

Those few days we spent in the hospital were spent soaking up every moment as new parents. When we got home and started to settle into life with a newborn, everyday I couldn't help but feel overwhelmed with love for this little one. 

And in those first few weeks of Ava's life, I started to have this revelation of what the Father's love for us his children must be like. I've been following Christ for much of my life, I have felt his goodness and love in my life several times. But, it wasn't until I had children of my own that I feel like I could really understand and grasp his love for us.

His love runs deep.

When we mess up, and do dumb stuff he still loves us.

He still is there, waiting for us to run to him with open arms. 

Just like the father was there to greet the prodigal son when he returned. God is always there for us. The Bible is overflowing with scriptures about love, about his love for us and how we should love others.

God's greatest commandment is love. 

Just as the Father has loved me, I have also loved you; abide in My love. John 15:9

Love does no wrong to a neighbor; therefore love is the fulfillment of the law. Romans 13:10

When I think about these things I can't help but be encouraged in my own relationship with Christ. Encouraged in my marriage, in my parenting and relationships with each other.

If we do, think and respond with an attitude of love towards one another how much better would love areas be? 

Responding to my children in love when I'm correcting them instead of anger or frustration. Thinking with attitudes of love towards my husband even when I do not always feel like it. Nurturing realtionships with friends in love. 

But God, being rich in mercy, because of His great love with which He loved us.  Eph 2:4

Life is not always perfect, neither are we. But, daily come back to HIS love for you. Let HIS love for you overflow out of your heart, have an attitude of love and see it begin to change your perspective and how you respond in your own life. 

I encourage you today, and challenge you and myself to this week think about how you can express love to others, to your family and in your life. 

How much has the Father loved us, that we should pour out love to others around us. 

Let Hope In #LetHopeIn

I'm excited to be on the official launch team for the book Let Hope In by Pete Wilson. If you've been reading this blog for any amount of time you may remember my review of his first book Plan B. You can read the review here if you'd like. I truly believe that God used the words in Plan B to transform my perspective about my current circumstances at the time, and since then it's had a lasting impact on my life.

I'm excited to be sharing with you over the next couple weeks the launch of his latest book Let Hope In. Over the next couple weeks I've got some fun and exciting things I'll be rolling out to help promote this book and share stories of HOPE that God has given myself and others in my life. Can't wait to share with you all!

For more on the book releasing October 1st, check out their links below:

WEBSITE // TWITTER // PETE'S BLOG // INSTAGRAM

Mom, you are enough.

Being a mother is like being in a whole different kind of culture. And you don't really understand motherhood exactly until you become one yourself. Within that beautiful thing we call motherhood comes joy, happiness, struggle, and lots of other feelings that I could go on and on about. Just like anything in life motherhood has its highs and lows.

One thing I have noticed since I became a mother is that moms (me, you) we all need a little encouragement. We want to know that we're doing a good job, making a difference and that the little things we do for our children and families mean something big to them and matter.

There's so many differences and opinions these days on how to "mother" what you're supposed to do or not do it can really have your head spinning and you may feel like every other mom in the room is about to judge you for your choices and decisions.

I have felt these too.

I have felt the sting of opinions.

The ever flowing guilt that motherhood can bring.

There are days when I don't feel confident at all in my mothering skills, and other days when I feel like I'm super MOM and totally on top of the world!

To the mom who breast feeds, you're enough.

To the mom who formula feeds, you're enough.

To the mom who works outside of her home to help provide for her family, you're enough.

To the mom who stays at home, what you do is enough.

To the mom who just yelled at her kids five minutes ago and feels guilty because it came out all wrong, you're enough.

To the mom who is tired and feels like you will never find rest, you're enough.

Today I'm shouting from the rooftops this, and hoping that as mothers we all take a few moments to realize that you are enough. That you'd take a few moments to encourage that mom you see in the grocery store struggling with her kids.

Today, I'm saying this to myself over and over again.

And on days when I feel like I haven't an ounce left to give I pour myself a big cup of coffee, and ask Jesus for a lot of help along the way.

Though my heart and flesh may fail, but God is the strength of my heart and my portion forever. Psalm 73:23

the spirit of influence

I posted this picture last week on Instagram with a caption that read:

"Ava asked to wear these shoes because they are the same ones Alice wears. Isn't is crazy how they can influenced at such a young age?"

I posted this picture and all day I couldn't stop thinking about the spirit of influence. How people and things influence us good or bad in the decisions we make for our lives. The choices we make.

Most of my adult life has been spent mentoring and influencing young women. Today I am reminded that maybe my most important influencing relationship is the one that I have with Ava.

I am called to influence her.

It made me think as a mother what my spirit of influence will be. I am reminded that I get to influence her in the best way.

Will she be strong and confident because I am and that's what I've taught her?

Will she know right from wrong because I've taken the time to influence her?

Will she know and love the Lord because her Dad and I have modeled it for her?

There are so many influences in our world, most importantly as her parents I want us to have a strong influential voice in her life.

Such a small and seemingly insignificant comment challenges me as a mother to make sure my influence in her life is strong.

Serves a purpose, a purpose for Christ.

Who is in your sphere of influence today? How has God called you to influence him or her? 

Peace. My Word for 2013

In 2012 I challenged myself to have JOY. You can read more about that here.  2012 was a great year, so many exciting things happened. We took on a lot towards the end of 2012 with being pregnant with our second child, to house hunting and buying a home, having a baby just 9 days before Christmas it was a whirlwind, and certainly full of JOY, and lots of opportunities where my JOY was tested, and situations where I had to choose to be JOYFUL and have an attitude of JOY.

The end of 2012 was quite chaotic for our family, not bad but we just had so much going on. We took on a lot and it kinda went by like a blur. Looking towards 2013 there are some things on the horizon for us. Things I am excited about, things we're looking forward to, and a few things that could leave anyone anxious about. But, as the last few weeks of 2012 came and went God has given me an overwhelming sense of peace over everything.

A peace that surpasses all understanding.

A sense that even though I'm entering new territory as a mom of two, I feel a sense of peace that HE will guide me and give me all the right tools to be a great mom and make this transition from one to two.

Some goals for 2013;

Create a peaceful home. Moving into a new home this year I am determined to create peace in our home, and make it a sanctuary for us to come home to. A place of rest and peace.

Find a peaceful balance in mothering two young children.


Create an atmosphere of peace in all my relationships, not that there isn't already but for me personally there are somethings/emotions that I need to let go of in order to have more peace in these relationships.

I'm excited for what 2013 will bring, and this word gives me something to focus on for the year. A little bit of a reminder & guide for what I want this year to be.

How about you? Are there any words you're focusing on this year? Any goals you want to meet? Share them with me in the comments below.

Wishing all of you a blessed year ahead!

miracles & blessings.

I've been thinking a lot lately about miracles and blessings. Some so small they would only matter to me and my family. Some so big that they are impacting others. I'm seeing great and amazing things happen in the lives of people around me that love God with all their hearts and serve him.

It's so easy to serve, tithe and pray when things in life are going amazing. When our kids are all obeying like they should, when our jobs and home lives are spectacular and we couldn't ask for more. But, I know it's been true for my own life that it's been hard to follow and serve Christ when things are falling apart. When you find yourself in valley. When things are going wrong in every area of your life and you're wishing that it would pass soon and you could get a break from the chaos you feel.

I know this to be true because I've felt it in my own life.

Source: etsy.com via Andrea on Pinterest

We've been in a couple valley seasons over the last few years. In impossible situations where we just didn't know where to turn. But we were faithful and we turned to Christ during those times. We still prayed. We cried out to God more than ever. We still obeyed. We still tithed even when there didn't seem like there was much to give.

And God always provided. Financially, spiritually, and emotionally. He poured into us because we drew closer to him. No, it wasn't always easy. Sometimes it was down right hard. Sometimes there was resistance. Where resistance ended faith began. Sometimes a blind faith like I don't know what you're doing here Lord but I know you're doing something so I will be faithful kinda faith.

As we've been faithful we've seen God be faithful to us. Not always in our timing, actually never really in the time we wanted it. And I've come to realize that God's timing is always better than my own and I've grown to be patient and wait on God.

Source: danielleburkleo.com via Andrea on Pinterest

Here's the thing about producing fruit; sometimes it takes time to grow. And the other truth is that it's hard to wait, isn't it?! But, when you do it's so worth the fruit you will bear and God's blessings that will follow. Through this season of life as we've been faithful we've seen miracles and blessings come our way. It's been amazing to see.

I realized that I need to expect more miracles from God. Expect that those people I've been praying for one day they will come to know the Lord. Expect that the situations I've been praying for will be resolved, and know that my prayers are heard. I think sometimes I pray out of habit and routine and God's really challenged me to expect more.

Source: creationswap.com via Andrea on Pinterest

More from HIM.

More from my faith.

More from my obedience and servant hood.

Expect more blessings, more miracles.

Now to him who is able to do immeasurably more than all we ask or imagine, according to his power that is at work within us, to him be the glory in the church and in Christ throughout all generations, for ever and ever! Amen. Eph 3:20-21

Source: abduzeedo.com via Andrea on Pinterest

God is ready to do more than we think. He is able to do more than what we ask. We have to ask first though, we have to be obedient first, we have to be willing vessels.

Are you ready to do more, go deeper, have more faith, expect more miracles and blessings from your Heavenly Father who loves you? 

on being "busy."

I feel like life comes at you sometimes in waves. There are times when it seems it just won't slow down, and there are other seasons when I think we wish that we could make time pass more quickly.

I think it's a natural human behavior to want to fill our schedules up, be around people, make sure we have something to do always. But, does that mean that's always healthy?

Every body's always looking for and seeking balance in their lives. More time in their days to get stuff done and see more people.

I think sometimes we wear "busy-ness" as a badge of honor. Like somehow we're more important and our lives are more important the busier we are. Or the more meetings we have, the more lunch dates we schedule, the more important and full filling our lives make us.

Source: renegadeswritetherules.com via Andrea on Pinterest

Lately, I've been challenged to re-prioritize, slow down and make sure what I'm doing all fits into what's important.

What does it matter if you are busy with all sorts of things, but not making time for the most important things in life like family and friends? Sometimes I get so frustrated when people tell me; Oh I meant to call you but things just got so busy. Or, I meant to do that but life is just so busy.

Sure I understand when life happens. There's always room for grace. But our "busy-ness" shouldn't replace real friendships, it shouldn't replace family time, or date nights, or those small simple moments that make the most impact in your child's lives because we were to "busy" to stop and take a moment.

To have a real conversation.

To sit in silence with the Lord and let him speak to you.

To be still.

Lately I've been challenging myself to "unplug" the day when I get home and give more time to my family. To not feel so rushed through dinner time, bath time and all those small rituals that we do on a daily basis just so I can make sure the home is cleaned before I head to bed, or make sure I can have "my time" to before I turn in for the evening.

But challenging myself to take in those moments, allowing the schedule to bed time to fall to the way side so that quality time is given to those moments. Some of the practical ways I'm doing this are;
- shutting off my social media on my phone after 6 pm. only take calls that I know are important.
- scheduling more blog posts during nap times and bed times for the weeks ahead.
- making sure I'm not on my computer late at night unless my Husband is working on homework that way he can have my attention.
- taking a closer look at my appointments/commitments and re scheduling so as not compromising any quality time with family.

My challenge is for you too, what are some things you need to take another look at and ask yourself;

"Am I busy for a reason, or just because I feel I need to be? Are there things I need to re prioritize in my life so that the idea of being "busy" doesn't take over?"

guilt that covers you like a warm blanket.

I don't even quite know when it happens or if there's a specific moment you can pin point when it starts to set it. But it's there. It's evident.

All of a sudden you're not sure.

You're second guessing yourself. You fight that battle between trying to do it all, have it all and still have time for everything else in your life.

It seems like a constant balancing act. A little bit of a war within yourself. Tugging you back and forth. At times it seems to ease up and just when you begin to give yourself a break there it is again smothering you like a warm blanket over you.

Guilt.



That motherhood guilt. It seems all consuming. Sometimes it may seem like you can't shake it, like it just won't go away. The truth is, I don't know a mother out there that hasn't found herself face to face with guilty feelings in some way or another during her journey in motherhood.

There are days that I feel so guilty that I'm not with Ava more, that she goes to daycare. It breaks my heart when I see her cry when I leave her.

Days when I feel guilty for lots of other reasons. I end up saying "no" to a lot of activities, lunch dates or dinners with friends because I feel so guilty being away from her one more day or hour.



The last few months the Lord has really been dealing with me in this area. I've been praying and trying to work through these feelings, because most of it I know is out of my control. Most of it, is the season we're in. And I know that it will pass, just like other seasons have. Seasons that felt so hard at the time but once you're out of them you feel like since you survived that you can do anything know.

Then you're challenged with another season God has you in, and that's where the lesson comes in. That's the chance to apply all that work that God did in your heart during the last season to the current season.

How do I deal with it? I try to remember and remind myself that I am not perfect. That life is not easy. But God is perfect. And when we seek his will and follow him that is perfection personified. 



I let myself off the hook. Because I know that it isn't my job to figure it all out. It's God's. I give him all my fears and short comings. And the prayers, and the reasons why I feel so guilty.

And then I remember that HE holds me to a standard of GRACE not PERFECTION.

Then I remind myself that I am only human, doing the best I can with what God's given me. And that it's OK if I can't do it all, or don't want to. That it's OK to say "no" to somethings, as long as I give myself a break, do something for myself every now and then. And try not to let that guilt be so suffocating and instead find freedom in who I am and who He's made me to be.



I pray today that you feel encouraged to let those feelings go, because they are crippling. And God wants you to find freedom and be the best woman, mother, wife, and friend that He's created you to be. Maybe you aren't a mother today, but maybe you're just a woman overwhelmed with guilt for various reasons this too if for you.

This is one of my favorite scriptures, because it reminds me that even when things aren't perfect God is. Even when I fail, He doesn't. And as long as I keep my eyes on Jesus he is always in control, he's my strength.

Though my heart and flesh may fail, God is the strength of my heart and portion forever. 

A Coffee Date: When God Calls

Hey Everyone! Happy Friday! Today I'm sharing a vlog, I sorta don't like vlogging only because I don't like to hear my voice. Sounds so weird, but here's to pushing myself out of my comfort zone!

Today's vlog & coffee date are about sharing what God's laid on your heart lately. Come listen and see what I've been pondering in my heart for a while now and how God's using it.

Ps- I think I used the word "excited" a million times during the time of this vlog! 

Ok, now you're turn if we were having coffee today what would you tell me about what God's doing in your life during this season. 

Once again, I'll be linking up with Alissa. Go here to check out her blog and listen to some other amazing bloggers share their hearts.

Have a happy weekend! Come back next week for some fun craft projects that I'll be sharing as well as a few other things on my heart these days. 

Happy Friday! 

you win some, you lose some.

I've been noticing over the last couple weeks that I will gain a blog follower, and then a couple days later lose one. Every time it happens I take it so personal. I sorta don't know what to think of it or quite what to make of it.

I rack my brain trying to figure out why. I kinda get update for a few hours over it. And then, I get a tweet, and email or a sweet comment from a reader I didn't even know. Or from someone who I didn't think reads my blog and tells me how it really meant something to them on the day they read it.

Source: twitter.com via Andrea on Pinterest

That right there makes up for the up and down numbers in my Google Friend Connect. The truth is I don't think you'd find a blogger out there that doesn't care just a little bit about who's reading. Or how many people read their blog. Isn't that one of the reasons we write anyway? So that people will read it?!

Bloggers want you to look at their projects, read their posts, comment and share the love. I think we all want that as bloggers.

Some people will try to tell you that numbers don't matter. But, the reality is that sometimes numbers do matter. Just like they matter sometimes in ministry or in business. But the truth is they aren't ALL that matters.

Source: thebluepeonyblog.blogspot.com via Andrea on Pinterest

Your numbers, my numbers they won't be the end all in my blogging. Want another confession? Sometimes I drop blogs that I've been reading for a while too. Simply for no other reason than they just aren't meeting me where I'm at, and so I stop reading.

As I was thinking about this I had to let these people (the ones who drop my blog) off the hook a bit, as they are probably not reading anymore for much the same reason I stop reading some blogs.

And then I realized matters to me more than anything else is that the people who are reading and following are getting something from these words that are filling up a empty page in cyber space. 

That they are connecting. 

Connecting with me. With others. 

And learning something maybe about themselves or others. 

Source: emilyley.com via Andrea on Pinterest

It's not all about the numbers. I realize that not everyone is going to like me, or my style. Not everyone is going to like that I'm not a crafty blogger all the time, or that I don't share what other people do.

But I have to believe that those who are reading are here for a reason. Somewhere out there is a person who visited this blog one day and something touched their heart and ministered to them.

And that is winning some, my friends.

Embrace

Life has been teaching me to embrace lately. Embrace the changes that are happening in our lives. Embrace that everything doesn't always go according to plans, and it's ok.

Embrace that Ava no longer wants to sit and smile for the camera, she'd much rather move around and play. It's teaching me to catch those small moments with her and to drink them in like never before. Her littleness is fleeting, and everyday she's becoming even more of a "big girl."



Life is teaching me to embrace that things are sometimes out of my control and that's ok, because God has it all under control. So I can let myself off the hook for a lot of things. Because it's HIS job to take care of that stuff anyway.

Embracing all the blessings that God has given us, even though I don't always know or understand what he's doing in the inner workings of our lives I'm so thankful for all he's given us. I'm learning to embrace the feelings that I have and work through them instead of just writing them off because I think things can't or won't change. Maybe God wants to change me instead of my circumstances. Maybe just maybe he'll transform me during this time of embracing.



Because that really when I sit down and think about it, is what I want. I want God to change me, to grow deeper in Him and know Him more. I don't just want to stay the same, never growing, never getting better, nope I want to embrace what He has for me. 


Today, my friends I'm wondering what are you embracing in your own lives too? What are you accepting more, and letting it change you instead of you changing "it?"


Happy Weekending friends. 

She Reads Truth

A couple weeks ago I was following some tweets and some ladies were hash tagging #shereadstruth. I wanted to see what this was all about. She Reads Truth is a community of women coming together to read the Bible together. Holding themselves accountable to each other.

What an awesome idea to read the Bible together, in a community. This is what the church and faith is about. Building up a community of believers. Helping each other, and coming together for the common cause of Christ.

I've been reading a long for a few weeks. Today they started a new plan, and I wanted to encourage you if you aren't already reading the Bible daily or if you need some accountability in this area too, join along with the #SheReadsTruth community and join me.

join my on Instagram here: photosbyandrea

I've been so encouraged by this, and there's something special knowing that a group of ladies are reading the same thing, writing about it and growing in their faith together. 

Follow along with the community reading their blog. 

Let me know if you join in on the community, I'd love to see you there! 

Some thoughts on notes and Encouragement

The last few weeks I've been doing a lot of reflecting during my times in prayer with the Lord, taking a look at myself and pondering how I can be better.

I realized something about myself that I've really become very lax on. Something that at one time was always on my mind and somehow unintentionally I've let go.

I realized I don't pray for my friends nearly enough as I should.

Sure, I try to encourage them, call, text, and email them as much as I can. But more than anything I think as much as I want my friends to think about me I want them to be praying for me. For the things I tell them I need prayer for but also for maybe the things they don't know.

Most of my friends do not live near me, so unfortunately we don't get to meet regularly, because of this I feel even more convicted to pray for them. To pray for the things I know going on in their lives, but more importantly to pray for the things that I don't know, for the things they don't know yet. The things unseen, and the things God has yet to do, but will in their lives. 

Along with this I wanted to do something practical, something to encourage them daily. I love a good little hand written note in the mail. And since I firmly believe that in order to have good friendships you have to be a good friend and exemplify those qualities yourself that you want in a friend. 

I've started weekly taking a small group of friends (3-5) and writing them a little note of encouragement on Sunday nights. And mailing them Monday morning, so that they get this little note at some point during the week. The next week, I'll pick a different group and send them a note. And so on, and so on. You get the idea. Continually rotating who gets a note each week. I hope it gives them a little happiness as they open their mail box, and gives them encouragement to know someone is thinking about them and praying for them. 

So here's my encouragement for you today; how can you show someone you love, a friend how much you care about them? How can you encourage them today? 

In my opinion the best things are small, but they are intentional and that's what matters most. 

*******

I like to get my note cards in the dollar bins at Target, Michael's and the Dollar Store. They always have some pretty note cards, stickers and stamps to make a note extra special. 

For A Season.....

Here we are 5 months away from calling Arizona home for three years. The last few years have gone by so fast, I can hardly believe it. Add a child to the mix, and those months seem to fly by. Just two short weeks away from her turning 2! Crazy, somebody tell me where my baby went?!!?

I didn't think we could raise a baby in 900 square feet, but we have.

I didn't think we'd be still living in tiny said apartment almost 3 years later, but we are.

I didn't think I would ever come to find friendships here in Phoenix, but I have. And I'm forever grateful & blessed to have.

I didn't think that I would make living so far from home work, but we have.

I didn't think Orion would ever get better work hours, but he did. And God pleasantly surprised us and blessed us by this in just a short amount of time.

I never thought I'd still be working out of the home, but I am.

My point is this;

You can do anything for a season.

Source: joyshope.com via Andrea on Pinterest

Some seasons are longer than others, don't get me wrong. But, you can do anything when you have God on your side.

When you lean not on your own understanding........
Trust in the Lord with all your heartand lean not on your own understanding:in all your ways acknowledge him, and he will make your paths straight.Proverbs 3:5 (NIV)
You can do anything that's hard for a season if you trust in him. Believe that HE has good things for you waiting on the other side of that season.

Source: vi.sualize.us via Andrea on Pinterest

Some seasons you have to pray harder than you ever have before.

You cry more than ever before.

You smile and feel content more than ever.

You trust more.

You learn from them.

And eventually you GROW from them.

And then you realize what I'm saying...YOU can DO ANYTHING for a SEASON!

My encouragement to you today is that whatever you're going through today, whatever season God has you in delight in it. Even when you don't want to, or when you think you can. There's always something positive in the season you're in.

God is in your circumstances. He knows them, and will bring you through it.
He can help you find joy where you think there isn't.