It's Tuesday afternoon, and as I sit here in this coffee shop writing this post, I'm still trying to make sense of what life is from now on. There are things that happen in our lives that are out of our control, things we don't understand, things that make us angry, make us cry, and make us wish that we could wake up from what seems to be the worst dream we've ever had.
That is my reality now. It's been a very rough week for me and my Husband, as you can see from the lack of posts this past week. I have been out of touch from the blogging world, and reality in general. Last Wednesday my world stopped, and life changed forever for Orion and I. I lost my job this week and as I sit here I'm still try to make sense of it all. Without getting into all the details, I have questions, I have hurts, and I am grieving the loss of what was more than just a job to me. It was where I found peace, where I found that I could do what I loved and do ministry at the same time. Where I truly felt like my gifts were in use. And now that it's all gone in 1 decision, it makes it all the more hard to deal, and try to move on.
It's been a few days now, and there are two things that are getting me through all this; trusting in the Lord, and my Husband. It's hard to imagine that God knew all this was going to happen. It's hard to make sense of a situation like this, but the only thing that does make sense is that God is faithful. And even though I am worried, scared, and not sure how to start all over again, I know that God still loves me. So, I will grieve, and cry and try to make all the sense I can, and after I've done all that God is still here for me. ( 1 Peter 1:5)
Two, my wonderful Husband who has been there for me since the moment I called him and told him what had happened. He's been more than I could have ever imagined in this situation. He's been so wonderful. I am so thankful that I have him in my life, during a time when I need someone the most he's been there. He really should get a "Husband of the Year" award! I don't know if they have that, but maybe I'll make him some kind of award.
In the last few days, as I have been praying, and thinking, the Sara Groves song; "He's always been faithful" keeps coming back to me. And I am pointed to many times in my life where things have not always worked out the way I would like them to, but God has always taken care of me, and helped me through these times of trial, worry, and just when I think I don't have enough strength to deal with anything anymore God gives me strength and some how by the grace of God it all works out.
You can not control anything in life, but God is faithful! And these are the words, and prayers that I am clinging to during this time in life. I know one day I will wake up and this situation will be less painful, and won't hurt as much, and some how I'll move on from that horrible day when the world stopped and felt like I didn't know what to do next. Today I woke up knowing that God is with me through all of this, and right now that's enough.