April 30, 2009

It's Raining, It's Pouring.....

When it rains, it pours!
Whoever wrote that must have had a serious storm. If you don't know what that phrase means, you have never had a storm in your life. (disregard this blog in that case)
I have found this saying, to be very true in lots of seasons of my life. I feel, and have felt that Orion and I are going through a very BIG storm! What we're going through now has been the biggest test for our marriage thus far in the short almost two years we've been married. Everyday, is a constant trying to find peace in a situation where there seems to be none. Trying to find joy, even when everything has been taken away from us.
I ask myself many times a day, "why?" I have a lot of questions, and one day when I get to heaven I'm going to ask God all those questions. I also know, that if we can make it through these storms and trials in our lives that are happening right now we'll be stronger people, have a stronger relationship with our Jesus, and have a stronger marriage because of it all. If there's a silver lining in all this it has to be that.
I write this blog today with a heavy heart, as I have had a bad day. Emotions are running high, I'm trying to process all my thoughts and feelings and trying to figure out where to begin in picking them all up and starting over.
Wouldn't it be easier to move on, if we knew what or where we were moving on to?
God doesn't promise us at all that it will be easy, he knows it's hard, he knew it would be. There's only one thing left to do today, and that is to find myself on my knees. Praying for miracles, praying for peace, praying that God would give us wisdom in times when we don't have any answers.
Trust in the Lord with all your heart, lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways acknowledge him, and he will make your paths straight. Proverbs 3:5-6
My heart keeps coming back to that verse, as it sums up all that I feel and have felt. I don't have any answers as to why. I can't explain it. So, I pray that I would be able to truly trust that God hasn't forgotten about us, that he has a plan, and that he's going to give me HIS perfect peace in all of this. Even, when it doesn't make sense and I don't understand any of it.
I find victory, peace and strength in this.


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