September 10, 2009

Keeping a Good Secret!

What a week! The week started off with Orion and I deciding now was a perfect time to announce our pregnancy. We tried so many times to "create" these perfect moments to tell people and something always came up, or made it not so perfect. Finally we made phone calls to our families, everywhere telling them of the great news. Then, it was onto our friends to share it with them.

And now the secrets out, and oh...what a good secret it was. I'm pretty proud of myself for keeping this for as long as I did. It was hard, at times it was brutal. I wanted to tell so badly, but we didn't.

So here's the full story of what we've been keeping under wraps for the last 11 weeks.................

This has been a long journey for us, one that I always knew in my heart was coming. But I wasn't prepared for how it would make us feel or what it would teach us. For us it was not to simple as thinking about children and then deciding to have them. And if you have ever faced a fertility issue you will understand. Now you might be thinking, what I am about to share it incredibly personal...why share it? Well, you are right it is very personal, but I share this story for two reasons: One, not many people know or understand the world of infertility on a woman, family or marriage. And two, I share this story to be of some sort of hope to someone who reads it. Just as I was inspired and given hope by many women's stories of overcoming infertility. It gave me hope that what Orion and I were going through wasn't in vain and that God has timing and a plan.

Last year Orion and I started thinking about a family. Now, if you remember the end of last year wasn't our finest. There were lots of questions in our hearts and minds about where we would be, and what life held for us. We decided at that time it probably wasn't the best idea financially or where we were in life to start a family. We were in the midst of losing our house, going through a lay off, and everything else in between.

Fast forward to the beginning of this year, in January I was having issue (let's say) with my cycle. This was nothing new for me, this had been my life & story since I was 16. Only now, it was more real and more of any issue now that I was 26 and married and wanting a family. I decided that I needed to go to the doctor and figure out what was going on for real this time. From January to March I was in and out of the doctor for tests, blood work, and more tests. Finally the doctor gave me news that I knew was in my heart all along. I've always know that something wasn't right, but I never knew a name or a diagnosis. She told me that I have what is called Polycystic Ovary Syndrome (PCOS), she explained it to me. And for the first time everything made sense. Every symptom of PSCOS you might as well call my life story. I came home and did all the research I could so I could explain it to Orion.

Now, it was like Okay this is what's going on with you but what does it mean for the future? And for a family. PCOS is a common fertility issue among women, more common that most think. 1 in every 15 women have this issue. In plain terms most women are not able to get pregnant with out help or fertility treatments. It's hard knowing that you aren't able to do what God created you to do, or what every other woman is able to do. You see women everyday that are pregnant, and finally it hit me that I have no idea what these women have gone through. Maybe it was easy, maybe it wasn't. Everyone has their story. This is ours now......................

So, in April we decided to explore what this would mean for us. Fertility is a long road sometimes. There's no guarantee any of it will work, or when it will, or which one. We decided for us we wanted to start this process sooner than later, not knowing how long it would take, or if it would. This was a huge financial sacrifice for us as well that we had to consider. Infertility is not cheap nor covered.

April and May were filled with more tests, more blood work, and enducing cycles for me. Doing all this takes a little of the fun, allure and surprise of it all. I was tracking everything, and being monitored every step. In June, we started our first round of fertility treatments. Praying and knowing every step of the way that God's hand was in this and that if it was in his plan for this time for us it would happen. We didn't expect much from this first round, not really knowing if it would take or not. But, once again I was monitoring my basal temperature so I knew either way on a certain date if it did or not.

Meanwhile in July Orion and I traveled to Arizona, and we celebrated our 2nd anniversary trying to keep our minds focused on other things helped us not go crazy. Or Me, I should say.

I'd been to the doctor again between all this to test my bodies response to the first round of drugs. I knew in a couple days I would know either it took or didn't.

I kept waiting for my basal temp. to drop I knew if it did then we weren't pregnant. On July 22nd, a few days before I should have gotten a cycle I woke up at 3 am and couldn't sleep. I decided to take a pregnancy test. I took 1 and it came up positive. There's something about two pink lines that show up that changes everything. I didn't think it was real. I'd taken a few of these before and they came back negative, so I didn't know what to think about it. I decided to go back to bed. Couldn't sleep and got up an hour later and took another one, it came back positive too. By now, I was thinking maybe it's real! I went back to bed, but I couldn't sleep. I got back up and blogged this post, trying to find anything to take my mind off it. I sat in bed for a couple more hours waiting for Orion to wake up. He woke up that morning and I didn't tell him. I took him to work, came home and took a third test. Third times a charm because that one came back positive too. By now, I was thinking I have to call my doctor, I still hadn't heard the results of my last testing.

I called her and she told me that my bodies response was great, and that I might be pregnant. She told me to take an at home test, when I told her that I already took 3 and they came back positive she said that's all the confirmation she needs.

I felt surprised, in disbelief and triumph all at the same time. Now, all I had to do is tell Orion when he got home. I picked up a sweet card for him to share the news, made it all the way through dinner that night before I gave him the card. He was in shock and disbelief too. But, I'll never forget those moments of telling Orion and the expression on his face and the excitement.

Due to my PCOS I'm more prone to miscarriages and complications. So we decided to wait before sharing the news with family or friends. We'd talked about this many times, but when the news came it became increasingly hard to keep the secret. But, I did! Right after this, we decided to move to Arizona. So our minds were on that now. We moved successfully, had about 3 weeks straight where I was very sick. I was thinking if this keeps up we have to tell people because they will start to wonder why I am sick all the time. But we pushed through, made it to week 11 before we let the news out.


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