April 22, 2011

For Me.

Lately, I've been thinking a lot about life. Maybe it's because my baby girl isn't such a baby anymore and growing way to fast. Or because I'm reevaluating my first year in Motherhood. I've been thinking a lot about goals I have for myself. I've been thinking a lot about how to navigate this thing called Motherhood, wife, sister, friend, house keeper and just about everything else you can add to a woman's list of who she is or isn't.

Maybe it's because I'm going through a season of loneliness of sorts. Now, before you go thinking this is a woe is me, pity party post, I want to assure you it is not.

This is just me, sharing what's on my heart in hopes to encourage you and myself at the same time. I'm a pretty literal person. Let's take a look at the literal meaning of the word balance. Thank you dictionary.com



noun, verb, -anced, -anc·ing.


1. a state of equilibrium or equipoise; equal distribution of weight, amount, etc.

Let me first say that I don't believe in balance. {i know, shocker right?!!} The idea of balance means everything must be equal on both sides right?!?

Here's why; no woman or man can perfectly do everything all equal. I can't ever spend the same amount of time in a day that I do at work, at home with my Hubby and child. I can't equally divide my time between crafting, family and friends {not necessarily in that order either.} There aren't enough hours in my day to equally distribute my time to the things or people that are important to me.

To me the idea of "balance" is unattainable and unrealistic.

I do however believe in priorities.

[prahy-awr-i-tee, -or-]
noun, plural
1. the state or quality of being earlier in time, occurrence, etc.

2. the right to precede others in order, rank, privilege, etc.; precedence.

3. something given special attention.

I believe there are people and things in life that are and should be more important than others. And it's up to me to decide what is priority in my life given that current season or time we're {my family} in. They are always changing as I am always re evaluating the season of life God has us in.

When Orion and I got married what was priority was a lot different than what is priority now. Our lives are always changing, we're always learning, and we're always adding and subtracting what needs to be from our lives.

Maybe it's to de-stress, or rid our lives of the excess. Maybe it's to make the people who are most important to us know and feel that they are loved and cared for.

This is probably going to look different for everyone. My priorities aren't probably going to be the same as yours, they could be but more than likely they aren't going to be.

And the beauty of that is this;

They are what works for our family.

For me.  

And when and if we find ourselves in a different season, and different place in life we re evaluate again and make sure our list of priorities are what is met first before anything else.

I am realizing more and more that life is about priorities. 

Making your family important. Making your relationship with the Lord important. Your goals, hopes and dreams are important. Making time for yourself, and make sure you're still doing what you love. Things that make you who you are shouldn't fade when you become a wife or mother. They should only enhance who you already are. 

I had a brief meltdown a couple weeks before Creative Estates. Babysitters fell through, and I was agonizing over putting Ava in daycare another day, when truth be told I already feel so guilty that she's in daycare and I'm not at home with her. 

I've realized in the last year that one of the beautiful and most important things about being a parent, is the ability to choose what is right for you and your family. What I choose may not be what you do. It may not be how you raise your children. 

It isn't right or wrong necessarily. But I get to choose what is best for my family based on what we believe, our priorities. 

Working outside the home may not be for everyone, or even desirable for everyone. Being a stay at home mother may make you want to puke and lock yourself in a mini van and never come out. To others it may be all they've ever dreamed of. But the blessing is, I choose. 

And I've learned that instead of judging other parents, moms or dads let's support, encourage and uplift one another. 

Even though I was having worst mother of the year guilt a couple weeks ago, I realized {with the help of my wise hubby & friends} that I am a good mother, and my child is amazing. Regardless of if I work outside my home or not, or if my child is in daycare. 

I needed to take a step back, and breathe. To know that I am a good Mom, I am doing my best. And my best is good enough. It may be a lot of trial and error sometimes, but it's the best. 

But, I also learned another valuable lesson; I need time for myself. 

These days it seems the only alone time I have is late at night while Hubby is in bed, or on a trip to the grocery store. I gave up a lot of things when we first moved to Arizona, things that I loved. People that I loved working with. I gave them up to make this transition work, to make ministry somehow work better. And I know now, that those things are apart of me. They make me who I am, they feed my soul, they ignite fire and creativity, they simply make me happy. 

And some where in the middle of it all I didn't know how to work those things into this new found Motherhood. When I actually realized taking the time for me to be a healthy person in Christ, and live out the passions he's given me makes me the Mother I am truly supposed to be. 

Taking time for myself is just as important. Making time to do the things I love needs to be a priority as well. 

I take pictures because I love it, and it feeds my creative soul. Not because it makes me money. It's For me.

I started this blog and continue to write here, for me.

I invest in mentor ship programs like Arizona Girls Ministries & The Miss America Organization to mentor, give back, and challenge young girls to be the best they can be for themselves and for me because I love it so much. 

I craft and create not to show off or see how many people love it. I do it for me, because I love making something from nothing and seeing the finished product. 

So while I find my groove in the ever changing seasons that life throws at me, and while I know a lot of you are doing the same I pray that you be encouraged in whatever season you're in. 

That you take time for you. Remember what you love and do that. 

Smile at life's most simple moments. 

Breathe sometimes when it gets to hard, say a little prayer to the one who holds it all and is holding you too. 

Do this, for you. 

For us.


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