March 10, 2010

As we get closer and closer to the birth of our little girl, and meeting Miss Ava I can't help but reflect back today on the journey that it's taken us to get here.

I didn't really share much on our fertility struggle here on the blog, looking back on it now I wish that I would have. I wish I'd been more open and honest and used this community that I've been blessed with and shared with all of you during that time what we were going through. I remember when we announced our pregnancy here, how I decided to lay it all out there as much as I could in one post in hopes that maybe it would help just one other person, and the overwhelming response from comments and emails were so touching.

I remember taking this picture, and thinking we have to make this process fun and upbeat as challenging and emotional as it was at times, I knew if we didn't we or I'd go crazy! When we started thinking about starting a family it was right before I got laid off from my job, then when that happened we had a really rough year and decided that we needed to wait and put things on hold. It was a really rough time for us financially, emotionally and spiritually. In the end it drew us closer to Christ and closer to each other. We never would have expected or known the things that God would teach us, or how he allowed us to become closer and stronger than ever. We knew our foundation was in Christ, that's what got us through the dark days, the many doctors visits, the tears and the trials of life during that time.

I believe with all my heart that God knew and had a plan for when we'd conceive, and when we'd start a family. He knew when we'd be ready, he had a plan.

Delight yourself in the Lord, and he will give you the desires of your heart. Psalms 37:4

I can remember praying and reading this scripture over and over to myself during this time of life. It's during these times of trial and testing that I think God does the most work in us, probably because we're so open and vulnerable to it. Reading the scriptures and relying on my faith is what really got me and us through each day that we had to deal with the reality of where we were.

These past almost 9 months have been such a blessing, not only have we been preparing for one of the biggest days of our lives, and the most change ever these last 9 months have brought Orion and I even closer in our marriage and relationship. I couldn't have done any of this with out his love and support. Each step of the way I've been reminded that Ava at this time and place is right for us, and such a blessing. I feel so blessed and honored to be her Mommy and she's not even here yet. I dream, dreams for her and wonder what she'll be like so often. I pray for her and pray that Orion and I can be the parents that she needs and that we will help grow and nurture her relationship with the Lord.

For this child I prayed, and the Lord has granted me my petition which I asked of him. 1 Samuel 1:27

This verse rings so true in my mind, and a prayer I've prayed for many months before I even found out we were pregnant. It sums up all that I feel, and how I've felt about this process. Each child is a little miracle no matter what the story is, I feel so blessed to have our little miracle almost here.

I found this video, I don't even know who the singer is but, the words are powerful and I think it pretty much sums up everything I've felt through this process and what other women who have faced the same kind of struggle. I pretty much cried through the entire thing.

It's so hard to see the end, and the plan in sight but I encourage those that are going through the fire weather that's the struggle of infertility, a lay off, relationship issues, the dark days, etc. that keeping your eyes on Christ and allowing him to bring you through, he has a plan and a purpose still. Don't loose sight of your perspective or faith, the tides will turn and there is hope on the other side.

And quite possibly something even better than you imaged it could be, because it was in God's timing and planning and not your own. All of the greatest things I've ever done in life have come out of the times when I really stepped back and let God take control instead of relying on my own plans to make it happen.

Be encouraged today.


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