November 3, 2010

Uncharted Territory

I've been a full time working woman. 

I've become a Mom. 

But, I've never done both at the same time. 

Until now. 

I'm just a few hours short of completing my first week as a full time working Mommy. For the last seven months for 24 hours I've been at home with my baby enjoying every.single.second! These last few weeks have been hard for me emotionally thinking about, praying about and pondering what life would be like "if" I went back to work full time. 

This was never in the "plan", I was always supposed to be a stay at home Mom. It's what we wanted, it's what I prayed for. 

But, recent events in our lives over the past 9 months have led us to praying & deciding what we are going to do? While this has been one of the more painful decisions that I have made in a long time, I am trying my best to be optimistic and thankful that the LORD is providing for my family and I. 

My feelings and emotions overwhelm me most of the hours in the day. My heart is heavy with worry, and stress about leaving my baby girl in the hands of someone else to care for her. Not, because they aren't qualified but because they aren't us, her parents. 

I wonder if this will get easier? If routine will set in and it will become easy. 

In no way am I saying that being a working Mom is bad, I believe that everyone has the right to decide for themselves what is best for their family. 

I believe and know in my heart that all Moms just want to and are doing a good job; working Mom or Stay at Home Moms. They are still mothers just each in their own way that's best for them. 

This has been hard for me because like I said, it wasn't in "the plan." It's hard to wrap your mind and heart around something that you're doing that you weren't planning on. Trying to see the end in mind, and not just the pain it brings. 

So, as we settle into a new normal, a new routine around the The Worley House I pray that God will give me strength and guidance. That he will give me peace, and calm my fears. 

I know that this is only for a season. 

I pray that the guilt I feel washes away, I pray that it's replaced with joy and patience for this season of life. 

Pray for me. Pray for my family. 

Thank you for letting me share, letting me be vulnerable, and being our "cheerleaders" as we navigate the waters of uncharted territory. 

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