Mom, you are enough.

Being a mother is like being in a whole different kind of culture. And you don't really understand motherhood exactly until you become one yourself. Within that beautiful thing we call motherhood comes joy, happiness, struggle, and lots of other feelings that I could go on and on about. Just like anything in life motherhood has its highs and lows.

One thing I have noticed since I became a mother is that moms (me, you) we all need a little encouragement. We want to know that we're doing a good job, making a difference and that the little things we do for our children and families mean something big to them and matter.

There's so many differences and opinions these days on how to "mother" what you're supposed to do or not do it can really have your head spinning and you may feel like every other mom in the room is about to judge you for your choices and decisions.

I have felt these too.

I have felt the sting of opinions.

The ever flowing guilt that motherhood can bring.

There are days when I don't feel confident at all in my mothering skills, and other days when I feel like I'm super MOM and totally on top of the world!

To the mom who breast feeds, you're enough.

To the mom who formula feeds, you're enough.

To the mom who works outside of her home to help provide for her family, you're enough.

To the mom who stays at home, what you do is enough.

To the mom who just yelled at her kids five minutes ago and feels guilty because it came out all wrong, you're enough.

To the mom who is tired and feels like you will never find rest, you're enough.

Today I'm shouting from the rooftops this, and hoping that as mothers we all take a few moments to realize that you are enough. That you'd take a few moments to encourage that mom you see in the grocery store struggling with her kids.

Today, I'm saying this to myself over and over again.

And on days when I feel like I haven't an ounce left to give I pour myself a big cup of coffee, and ask Jesus for a lot of help along the way.

Though my heart and flesh may fail, but God is the strength of my heart and my portion forever. Psalm 73:23

a perspective shift on mothering.

I've had some really hard weeks these past few months. Days when I for sure thought I was going to lose my mind, days when I felt like giving up on this whole parenting thing.

Pretty sure I wasn't doing a good job.

Pretty sure I wasn't getting through at all to my toddler who seems to test my will more than ever these days.

Days when I've sat and cried for a few minutes while they are tucked in their beds for nap time. A few times that I've snuck into the pantry alone and sat there for a few small moments reminding myself to breath, and come out with a smile on my face.

Wouldn't it be awesome if there was a definitive handbook on how to raise children? A handbook that told you exactly every single scenario that was going to happen and how to handle it? Yup, that would be awesome sometimes.

And just when I'm sure my child hates me, and doesn't like me at all she says something that forever changes my perspective on mothering and parenting.

My husband knows just how much of a hard time I've been having lately and does a great job of checking in on me throughout the day.

Sunday night (mother's day) my husband did the bed time routine with Ava while I was doing my best to calm my screaming 4 month old.

He came down after tucking her in and told me this story;

He was reading Ava a book before bedtime and it was about friendship and best friends. He asked Ava at the end;

"Ava, who's your best friend?"

Ava replied; "Mommy is."

This little two second conversation to me has completely changed my perspective. I realized that how I see myself as a parent my failures, my short comings, etc. Isn't how my child sees me at all. To her I'm her best friend!

Even though I discipline her, and loose my patience sometimes, and cry over the fact that she isn't listening and think about how hard this parenting gig is she doesn't see that at all.

Now matter how many times we mess up or think we fail, or feel like we just can't do another day remind yourself as a mom that your children think you're amazing, you're their hero and they love you so much.

I will repeat this to myself when she's tired and cranky.

When she's being disobedient and needing me to teach her.

When we have hard days.

When I have a hard day.

Sometimes all we need is a little perspective shift and a little encouragement to get us back on track.

Soak.

When I was a kid my Mother would often times crawl into my bed in the mornings when she came to wake me up. And sometimes we'd lay there for a bit.

She'd say "let's just sit and soak for a while."

Sometimes we'd sit there for 5-10 minutes before getting up. Sometimes It'd be even longer if it was a Saturday and I didn't have to go to school. Either way I treasured those moments with her, loved having her near brushing my hair and talking to me in those moments before we had to start the day.

I look back on those moments and realize they taught me some important lessons. Lessons like, how important it is to sit back and just be still.

Lessons like how important it is not to get caught up in things that don't matter and focus on what really does. Realizing that it's important to take in these small fleeting moments with my children who won't be little forever and who need me to be present now.

A lot of times we get so caught up (I do it too) in the things that have to get done during the day that we  miss out on moments that really make the day. Soaking it up means, realizing that it's ok if the dishes aren't done if it means I got some extra time to snuggle my babies.

give a girl a pile of paper clips and she'll sort them for a good 15 minutes.

So the reality is that my house is kinda a mess, we moved in over a month ago and we're just unpacked. Nothing is one the walls, beds are rarely made if I'm being honest. But, my kids are happy and healthy. We have cloths to wear and food in our bellies. And my family is complete. 

Things are kinda  all over the place right now, but it's ok because I've given myself grace to know that not everything has to be put together all of the time. 

Today we're soaking. 

And that's just fine with me. 

things I don't want to forget.

There are so many small fleeting moments that I never want to forget through this journey of motherhood and parenthood. Small moments, insignificant moments that only matter because they are important for me and my family. But, I'm sure if I know a mother's heart like I do they are probably similar to the moments that you don't want to forget either.



We hold onto these moments, these memories and lock them up in the treasure chest that is our heart. We replay them over and over again like our favorite movie. We replay conversations in our minds verbatim because we've memorized them over and over again.

I know that everyday she's getting older, there are moments that won't happen again. Days that we can't get back. This is my small reminder to take everything as it comes, embrace it, remember it and treasure this life that we have.



I don't want to forget the silly conversations that we have together. Like, when I tell her she's a silly goose and she responds;

"No, I'm Ava." 

It's those fleeting priceless moments that making being a mother and parent so very special. They make it a worth while experience even when we are in the trenches of potty training and I think I'm going to lose my mind. Or when their having the biggest tantrum and it seems like it'll never end I remember these small moments, the things that I don't want to forget. It helps make all the growing pains of parenthood and motherhood bearable and easier. You know what I mean?



I don't want to forget that she thinks we live in a castle. Or the way she quietly asks for the puppy to sleep with her at the end of the day. I don't want to forget the way she lines things up and likes to stack things in a row.



I consider myself the memory keeper in my family. It's why I keep a journal, blog, take endless amounts of photos and scrap book them. Why I make the annual Christmas card a big deal and send them out. To preserve this life. To have memories we can look back on.

What are ways that you try to take in everyday life and remember them for yourself and your family? I'd love to hear how you make life special.

More thoughts on potty training.

You may remember my first thoughts on potty training way back in April, you can read more about that here if you'd like.  I felt like potty training just might be the death of me after that first go around. But, I learned to let go and slowly introduce her to the idea of it. Turns out I don't think she was as ready as all the books said she was, or ready like I thought she was.

I think I was more ready than she was to tell you the truth.

We put pull ups on her. We bought a pretty princess potty and everyday asked her about it, sat her on the potty, etc, etc.

Some days she'd clearly ask to go potty and she'd go. We'd clap, sing and cheer as loudly and proud as we could to encourage her and praise her. I even made up my own potty song for her to the melody of Dora's "We did it tune." 



We bought Disney Princess and Dora undies and introduced those as well. And then one day it's like it just all clicked for her. She literally woke up one morning and asked to wear underwear. Pleaded and insisted that she wear under ware and not pull ups.

I was a little worried about her going to daycare with undies on, I was worried that she wouldn't tell them she had to go or that they wouldn't take her time. This was like ripping the band-aid off and just going for it. So I agreed and let her wear undies. Instructed the daycare as best I could, and to my surprise when we picked her up they reported that she hadn't had a single accident all day. I was so proud and overjoyed, and after that day there was no going back.



After a week of not having accidents at daycare or at home, we let her loose in toy aisle and let her pick out her own reward for being so successful. It's been almost three weeks of potty training success in our home. I'm so excited for her! So proud and so amazed at to how much children truly change overnight. She's been doing so well with it.

It's a little hard to let go of the fact that she's really growing up. No more diapers, this girl is on her way to being fully potty trained. My little baby isn't so much a baby anymore. But, I'm glad to see that she did it when she was ready, in her own time. I'm proud of myself as a mother and parent for letting go a little and not trying to force the issue with her and for God giving me a lot of patience during this time.

All the cheers, silly songs, stickers and many, many accidents on the floor were ok. We're worth it.



So now I know potty training didn't kill me, but the whole process did make me more aware and patient towards my child and that is a lesson worth it.

on being "busy."

I feel like life comes at you sometimes in waves. There are times when it seems it just won't slow down, and there are other seasons when I think we wish that we could make time pass more quickly.

I think it's a natural human behavior to want to fill our schedules up, be around people, make sure we have something to do always. But, does that mean that's always healthy?

Every body's always looking for and seeking balance in their lives. More time in their days to get stuff done and see more people.

I think sometimes we wear "busy-ness" as a badge of honor. Like somehow we're more important and our lives are more important the busier we are. Or the more meetings we have, the more lunch dates we schedule, the more important and full filling our lives make us.

Source: renegadeswritetherules.com via Andrea on Pinterest

Lately, I've been challenged to re-prioritize, slow down and make sure what I'm doing all fits into what's important.

What does it matter if you are busy with all sorts of things, but not making time for the most important things in life like family and friends? Sometimes I get so frustrated when people tell me; Oh I meant to call you but things just got so busy. Or, I meant to do that but life is just so busy.

Sure I understand when life happens. There's always room for grace. But our "busy-ness" shouldn't replace real friendships, it shouldn't replace family time, or date nights, or those small simple moments that make the most impact in your child's lives because we were to "busy" to stop and take a moment.

To have a real conversation.

To sit in silence with the Lord and let him speak to you.

To be still.

Lately I've been challenging myself to "unplug" the day when I get home and give more time to my family. To not feel so rushed through dinner time, bath time and all those small rituals that we do on a daily basis just so I can make sure the home is cleaned before I head to bed, or make sure I can have "my time" to before I turn in for the evening.

But challenging myself to take in those moments, allowing the schedule to bed time to fall to the way side so that quality time is given to those moments. Some of the practical ways I'm doing this are;
- shutting off my social media on my phone after 6 pm. only take calls that I know are important.
- scheduling more blog posts during nap times and bed times for the weeks ahead.
- making sure I'm not on my computer late at night unless my Husband is working on homework that way he can have my attention.
- taking a closer look at my appointments/commitments and re scheduling so as not compromising any quality time with family.

My challenge is for you too, what are some things you need to take another look at and ask yourself;

"Am I busy for a reason, or just because I feel I need to be? Are there things I need to re prioritize in my life so that the idea of being "busy" doesn't take over?"

guilt that covers you like a warm blanket.

I don't even quite know when it happens or if there's a specific moment you can pin point when it starts to set it. But it's there. It's evident.

All of a sudden you're not sure.

You're second guessing yourself. You fight that battle between trying to do it all, have it all and still have time for everything else in your life.

It seems like a constant balancing act. A little bit of a war within yourself. Tugging you back and forth. At times it seems to ease up and just when you begin to give yourself a break there it is again smothering you like a warm blanket over you.

Guilt.



That motherhood guilt. It seems all consuming. Sometimes it may seem like you can't shake it, like it just won't go away. The truth is, I don't know a mother out there that hasn't found herself face to face with guilty feelings in some way or another during her journey in motherhood.

There are days that I feel so guilty that I'm not with Ava more, that she goes to daycare. It breaks my heart when I see her cry when I leave her.

Days when I feel guilty for lots of other reasons. I end up saying "no" to a lot of activities, lunch dates or dinners with friends because I feel so guilty being away from her one more day or hour.



The last few months the Lord has really been dealing with me in this area. I've been praying and trying to work through these feelings, because most of it I know is out of my control. Most of it, is the season we're in. And I know that it will pass, just like other seasons have. Seasons that felt so hard at the time but once you're out of them you feel like since you survived that you can do anything know.

Then you're challenged with another season God has you in, and that's where the lesson comes in. That's the chance to apply all that work that God did in your heart during the last season to the current season.

How do I deal with it? I try to remember and remind myself that I am not perfect. That life is not easy. But God is perfect. And when we seek his will and follow him that is perfection personified. 



I let myself off the hook. Because I know that it isn't my job to figure it all out. It's God's. I give him all my fears and short comings. And the prayers, and the reasons why I feel so guilty.

And then I remember that HE holds me to a standard of GRACE not PERFECTION.

Then I remind myself that I am only human, doing the best I can with what God's given me. And that it's OK if I can't do it all, or don't want to. That it's OK to say "no" to somethings, as long as I give myself a break, do something for myself every now and then. And try not to let that guilt be so suffocating and instead find freedom in who I am and who He's made me to be.



I pray today that you feel encouraged to let those feelings go, because they are crippling. And God wants you to find freedom and be the best woman, mother, wife, and friend that He's created you to be. Maybe you aren't a mother today, but maybe you're just a woman overwhelmed with guilt for various reasons this too if for you.

This is one of my favorite scriptures, because it reminds me that even when things aren't perfect God is. Even when I fail, He doesn't. And as long as I keep my eyes on Jesus he is always in control, he's my strength.

Though my heart and flesh may fail, God is the strength of my heart and portion forever. 

A Sick Day, Turned into A Fun Day.

Saturday night Ava began telling us that she had an "owie" in her ear. I know right away when she started proclaiming this while we were giving her a bath that night that it was more than likely an ear infection. She'd been displaying sick symptoms since Friday afternoon but I thought she just had a cold. Saturday night she was restless, she didn't want to sleep. She wanted to be held.

It's those simple moments that as a Mom I cherish most. Cuddling her. Reading to her, and making sure she feels safe. Those moments make motherhood for me rewarding and sweet.

That night the Hubby and I divided up who was going to stay home with her on what days for the next two days. It was decided that I'd take her to the doctor Monday and he'd stay home with her Tuesday. We couldn't go back to daycare till she was antibiotics for 24 hours, so I was determined to make the most of these days off with her and make sure she felt better. Sunday her and I stayed home from church, we cuddled and played together. We read lots of stories together.

At one point Ava was holding her stuffed animals stroking them and telling them "It's OK, Mommy make you better." 

It's amazing the things they pick up on, and it was so sweet listening to her comfort her stuffed animals and Barbies in the same manner I was trying to comfort her. By, Monday she was starting to feel a little bit better I'd been giving her rounds of Tylenol to help ease her pain since Saturday till we could get to the doctor.

Yesterday we woke up and went to the doctor early, and sure enough ear infection it was. After getting her fair share of stickers from the nurses we were off to go pick up our prescription and run a few errands. I took my girl out for a special lunch date just her and I. Although I wasn't happy to get to stay home because she was sick, I was cherishing every moment that I was getting to spend the day with her. I just wish it wasn't because she wasn't feeling so well.



Ice cream makes every ear infection feel better, doesn't it?!! All I could do was smile during this time, every time she'd take a lick of her ice cream cone she'd look at me and tell me;

"Mommy it's so good." 

She was happy and content. She was starting to feel better and be her old self. The rest of the afternoon was spent coloring and playing. She didn't nap a wink. Two hours of me trying to get her to nap ended up in her getting up early from said attempt. At one point I laughed to myself as I heard her in her crib singing Twinkle, Twinkle little Star to herself. A nap was not on her agenda for the day.



But, what do you know 15 minutes in the car on the way to pick up Daddy from work and she was out like a light. Totally asleep, snoozin' in the back.

I'm so blessed and thankful for these little moments that I have with her. They make me so proud to be her mom. So blessed and honored that God has given her to us to take care of in this lifetime. Yesterday I realized just how much she's growing up and how much she's changing. And although it makes me a little sad I'm excited for new stages and growth with Ava.

Our sick day wasn't so bad after all.

Embrace

Life has been teaching me to embrace lately. Embrace the changes that are happening in our lives. Embrace that everything doesn't always go according to plans, and it's ok.

Embrace that Ava no longer wants to sit and smile for the camera, she'd much rather move around and play. It's teaching me to catch those small moments with her and to drink them in like never before. Her littleness is fleeting, and everyday she's becoming even more of a "big girl."



Life is teaching me to embrace that things are sometimes out of my control and that's ok, because God has it all under control. So I can let myself off the hook for a lot of things. Because it's HIS job to take care of that stuff anyway.

Embracing all the blessings that God has given us, even though I don't always know or understand what he's doing in the inner workings of our lives I'm so thankful for all he's given us. I'm learning to embrace the feelings that I have and work through them instead of just writing them off because I think things can't or won't change. Maybe God wants to change me instead of my circumstances. Maybe just maybe he'll transform me during this time of embracing.



Because that really when I sit down and think about it, is what I want. I want God to change me, to grow deeper in Him and know Him more. I don't just want to stay the same, never growing, never getting better, nope I want to embrace what He has for me. 


Today, my friends I'm wondering what are you embracing in your own lives too? What are you accepting more, and letting it change you instead of you changing "it?"


Happy Weekending friends. 

Everyday Victories in Motherhood

As mothers we all have those every day small victories that get us through the day or week. Maybe you conquered the piles of laundry that were building up, or maybe your child finally mastered potty training, or maybe you spent a morning just you and it made you a better mother. Victories all around. 


I think sometimes as mothers it's the small things that make a big impact, I know for me it does. Sometimes just finding fruits that she loves and will eat are a victory for me! Ava turned two in March and it's been amazing to me a little switch that's happened. It's like she woke up and decided she knew exactly what she wanted and didn't want. 


She's been exerting that will ever since. She's become very particular about what she does and doesn't want. The foods she wants to eat or drink. Lately my biggest challenging has come from getting dressed in the mornings. Ava goes to daycare during the week and they have some rules about things she can or can't wear, one being that all the kids have to wear close toed shoes. 


Ava's become obsessed with sandals, especially her sparkly ones. That's all she wears on the weekends, last week to church she wore sandals that didn't match because she didn't want to wear the shoes I picked for her. For me, as a mom it's become what do I really want to battle with her about and what don't I? Anyone else with me? 


She wants to wear her tutus more than pants. She wears her sunglasses everywhere, and I've been told on many occasions that she takes naps in them at daycare. The last couple weeks I've been letting her pick and choose some portions of her outfits. Choosing to let her express herself in this way, and letting her make some small decisions about clothing. 


The reality for me is that I don't mind her wearing sunglasses around the house, or wearing every last necklace around her neck if it means that she gets to express herself, be a kid, learn and have fun. 


It's a small victory for me as a Mom. 

Tutu, check.

Fairy Wings check.

Happy girl using her imagination, check. 

Letting her choose and telling her when she can't wear sandals to daycare has provided us the oportunity to teach her what she can't and can't do. We've seen her listening abilities through this, and and understanding come through. 


Small victory, and I'll take it. 


Do you have an everyday victory in Motherhood you'd like to share? Tell me in the comments below!

Hurry in to Kroger and Kroger Banner Stores for P&G’s big sale event, June 10–23!

At Kroger and its banner stores, more than 30 of your favorite P&G brands are at HOT sale prices through June 23, including Tide, Charmin, Cascade, Pampers, Crest and Olay. Look for tags with special prices throughout the household needs and health and beauty aisles, and be on the lookout for even bigger offers – like getting serious dollars off when you buy a bundle of products.

Before hitting the store, visit P&G’s event page on Kroger.com: http://bit.ly/KG6dw5

You can play games like basketball, track and gymnastics to win money off your next Kroger trip, download digital coupons, print a shopping list, and learn more about P&G products!

And as part of this event, consider trying one of these fab products from P&G:
Vicks Nature Fusion, Charmin Basic, Downy Unstopables, and Swiffer Duster Extenders!

I was selected for participation in this campaign as a member of Clever Girls Collective. All opinions are 100% mine. 

Book Review:: Mission Motherhood

I finally finished this book that I started over Christmas. It's not a big book, but reading these days takes me a little longer maybe than most. It's a great book, and I wanted to share with you why I loved it so much. If you're looking for a book to take a Godly perspective about motherhood and its mission this is a great book.

Her book really encourages stay at home motherhood, I know this might turn away some of you from reading this book. There's always much debate about working moms vs. stay at home moms. And here's the only thing I'll say about the subject, is that every family has to choose what works best for their family. And us Moms need to be more supportive and encouraging of one another.

With that said said don't discount reading this book, here's some key thoughts that I took from her book. I really encourage you to read it no matter what kind of mothering situation you are in.

* We mothers have the opportunity to influence eternity by building a spiritual legacy in the lives of our children.


* Accepting the call of motherhood doesn't mean giving up ministry, in fact it is your ministry. 


* Write down goals for your family and how you will accomplish them.


* Making disciples of our children is certainly part of the mission of motherhood.


* Diligent parents do battle for their children's souls. 


* Our vision for our family defines the decisions we make, the priorities we keep.


I would really encourage you too pick up this book, it's a great read and very encouraging for a mother's heart.

You can find it here on Amazon.

Have you read any great books on parenting or motherhood lately? I'd love to hear your recommendations. 

Thoughts About Potty Training

A few weeks ago I mentioned that we were starting to potty train Ava. After weeks of reading things online, asking friends and family their opinions we decided to go for it.

A friend told me about this method. She forwarded the book to me, and I read it back and forth for two weeks before we started.

The week before I bought all sorts of juice, rewards and brand new princess undies! In hopes that all these would motivate and help her progress. We spent three days {Ava & I} in the house potty training. We didn't leave all day, every day for three days.



I expected accidents, and there were many.

I expected that there would be a learning curve, there has been.

What I didn't expect is how I would feel. How exhausted I'd be. How I literally felt I was going crazy after not leaving the house for three days.

The truth is, if I can be totally honest and have a vulnerable "mom" moment here. Not only did I want this 3 day method to work for Ava, but I really wanted it to work for me too. Because I wanted to be the one to potty train her. Not the daycare, not anyone but my and my Husband.

When it didn't click for Ava after three days was over, I felt like I failed.

It can be really easy when "someone" or an expert on a subject tells you that "it will work" to put pressure on yourself, and in the end I felt like I failed at it all.

But, the truth was this method just didn't quite work for Ava, and it's ok. After a lot of prayer and evaluating the three days I realized this.

She will get potty trained. I will teach her, we'll teach her.

And it's ok if she doesn't learn it in 3 days. It's ok if it takes her longer than I thought.



She just turned two and I know that she'll get it. The biggest thing is for us to be consistent and patient. Not to put pressure on myself or her.

We're on a little potty training journey. We've been working at it for almost a month. We get excited when she does, we put a sticker on her chart and celebrate the moment!

This is by far the most trying thing yet that I've experienced in parenting. I know there will be other moments like this, maybe even bigger at some point.

Motherhood is about the good and bad. Learning and growing.

My Mommy Morning

Last week was a hard week, mostly because Ava was sick. Last Monday, Hubby had the day off and he took Ava to the doctor because Sunday afternoon she got a 102.6 fever! Yikes! Come to find out baby girl had a double ear infection. So for three days we fought the fever, and everything else that comes with your baby being sick.

I ended up taking Thursday off work to be at home with her since she was still sick. But, by the end of the week I was beat. Friday afternoon I decided that I needed a day. Some me time. You know what I mean?

It's been a long time since I've run errands just me, or gotten my hair done and enjoyed a relaxing day. I don't get that much anymore. And it's ok, because I love being with my family. But, every now and then you need some time for yourself I think. To do something for you. I think it keeps me sane, and in turn makes me a better wife and mother.

I couldn't take a whole day, so I decided I was just going to take the morning hours. Grab coffee and do whatever else my heart desired for a whole morning.

Friday afternoon while Ava napped I baked muffins for Ava and Orion to have while I was gone Saturday morning.



Saturday morning I grabbed coffee and headed to the Dollar Store, I love that place. So many fun things there. I was on the hunt for a few things for Ava's birthday party and a few other things.



I always buy coloring books and crayons there. They are cheap. And with a dog who eats half the crayons and the way Ava goes through a coloring book it's a great solution.

After that it was off to the salon where I spent the rest of my morning. Being pampered, getting foiled up!



By the time my hair was done it was already noon and I stopped by the grocery store before heading home. Feeling glad that I was able to get away and make time for myself even just for a few hours.

What have you done lately for yourself? How do you like to spend a morning, day or hour kid free?

Shh, It's Ok they're only little once.......

Our nightly routine begins after dinner time, usually around 7 pm we start cleaning up dinner and while I do that Hubby is giving Ava her bath and getting her dressed for bed. I come in sometime last after I'm done cleaning and we say prayers together, we read a story together.

Recently as Ava's sleep habits have started to change we've started taking turns putting her to bed each night. She's always been a great sleeper until 4 months ago when we took away the pacifier. That was a rough stretch for us. We had a few sleepless nights in a row and then she seemed to be good for a couple weeks.

Then out of no where, I think probably due to visiting friends out of town a couple weeks in a row where she slept with us she got used to it and now has been doing this at night;

7:30-8 ish she goes to bed.
Midnight she wakes up.
Falls asleep while I rock her.
Put her back in crib, and instantly wakes back up.

We rock again, and again. Still she wakes back up.

Then, I give in and bring her in bed with us. Where she falls fast asleep into a deep slumber.

This has been. going. on. for. weeks!

I worry about her crying it out.

I worry that she isn't getting enough sleep.

We've tried everything I can think of.

I worry that she's developing bad sleep habits, or that it's a bad practice we've started letting her sleep with us when she wakes up in the middle of the night.

Going home for Christmas for two weeks, didn't help our case any. She didn't want to sleep in her own crib there either.

A couple nights ago she woke up again, same thing wouldn't go back to sleep. I drug my sleepy self down the hall to her room. I seamlessly picked her up and fell into the rocking chair with her and began to rock her back and forth, back and forth.

I must have fallen asleep myself, because when I woke up I found myself in a pain because my neck hurt from the position I was in. I didn't know what time it was, all I knew was that I was uncomfortable.

I walked back down the hall with my child in arms, her heavy sleepy body curled into me and we went back to our bedroom together. I laid her down, in the middle of us and she rolled over and continued to sleep.

It was there that I listened to her breathe, her snoring too. I sat up watching her in the dark that night. Orion woke up and asked what I was doing.

I told him; "Watching Ava sleep, I could just watch her for hours."

He said; "Yeah, me too."

Hey Babe; "Are we developing a really bad habit by letting her sleep with us?"

"Shh, he said. "She's only little once, It's ok."

That statement got me thinking that night as I lie there in bed watching her sleep.

There are times when we "break the rules" during our parenting by letting her sleep with us. Sometimes we do the opposite of "what the experts" say you should or shouldn't do.

Orion reminded me that everything is not so cookie cutter when it comes to parenting. I am a firm believer now that every parent knows their child the best.

Ava is happy. She's is a vibrant little girl.

It's ok to break whatever the rules are every once and a while I tell myself, she is after all only small once.

This phase will pass, and soon we'll be onto the next challenge. The next thing with her.

Even though some phases and challenges seem to last longer than others, I am reminded to enjoy the season we are in.

I'm a firm believer that each Parent knows their child best, break your own ground. Do what you feel and know in your heart is best. Make your own rules for your family.

The Real Reason I'm Not Pregnant with #2

It's that season again, somethings in the air and people are drinking the water. I have a bunch of friends who are pregnant again, and 3 who just had babies within the last month.

It seems like every time I log onto Facebook someone is announcing the news, or saying they just had their baby. It's a really exciting time right now for a lot of people I know. And, I know just first hand how exciting this time of life can be especially when it's your first baby.

Sure it would be exciting and fun to be pregnant with them, and experience that together. I'd be lying if I didn't say I've thought about it. Then, my husband gently reminds me that just because your friends are pregnant doesn't mean you should be too.

I suppose he's right. ;)

Orion and I are hitting that natural time when our first child is over a year and people start to ask when you're going to have another?! Friends, family {especially family} they all want to know. I can't blame them.

We do want more kids.

It's not even the fertility issues that scare me. Well, I'd be lying if I said I didn't think about them from time to time.

But, the truth is I really am just enjoying Ava. There are days when I fight motherhood guilt stronger than other days. The reality for me is that I hardly feel like I am with her, it tears me apart. I spend 10+ hours a day away from her and by the time I get home I don't wanna do anything but be with her.

I don't want to cook, or clean or do really much of anything except play on the floor with toys. Sing silly and annoying {but she loves them} Yo-Gabba-Gabba songs together. I'm tempted to keep her up past her bed time every night just because I want to spend more time with her. But, I know that I shouldn't and so I do my best to keep her on her schedule so she can get the rest she needs.

No, the real reason is I long for time with her.

There's still so many things that I want to experience with her. I want to take one last family vacation

with her. There's still so many things this family of three hasn't done yet.

The other truth?

Being a working mom, isn't my calling. It's been a little over a year since I went back to work full time. Truthfully, it's the hardest thing I've ever done being away from her.

It's something I've cried over. Something I agonize about. Feelings I fight daily.

Prayed over. Found peace in the sense that it's only for a season. But, it doesn't make it any easier. It makes it a little easier but not really.



I truly know that every mother no matter if they work inside the home or outside works so very hard. It doesn't matter to me what you do, or how you make it work for your family. The beauty is that you get to choose what's best for your family.

I knew going back to work that it wouldn't be forever, when I started working full time it became abundantly clear that this wasn't where I was to be. It took me a long time to come to grips & have peace about the season the Lord had me in.

The other reason I'm not pregnant with number two, is because I don't want to work full time.

I want to be at home with my children. Teaching them. Playing with them, raising them the way Orion and I want to, and feel called to do.

And, before that happens I want Ava to have time with me. More like, I want to have time with her. Just her. I want her to feel completely and utterly adored and cared for. I want to take the time and nest with her and a brand new baby.



I know this season will come to an end.

The Lord knows the desire of my heart. I believe that he has a perfect plan for us.

I believe in the right timing of things too.

Sure, I think about how far apart in age Ava will be to her future sibling, sure I wonder about the age difference, I go back and forth in my mind playing these situations over and over again life a broken record.

But, then again I am reminded of God's peace he's given us about this decision.

Remaining faithful to his promise to me.

In the mean time, we will wait. We will enjoy every single day. hour. minute with our girl!

Cherishing those family mornings when we're all snuggling in bed together. The endless amounts of gabba on the t.v. and every moment in between.

he sat next to me

I woke up early for my 8 am flight with my little one, it was the first time I've flown alone with her since she was three months old. I knew this time would be a little different. When we flew back in July Orion was with me and we shared the load of our active toddler. {i still have a hard time thinking of her that way, she's still my baby.}

To say the least I was nervous about traveling with her this time. I strategically packed as minimal as I could, knowing that I was going to have a carry on, diaper bag and stroller with me this time. In my mind I was reviewing how it was all going to go down at security check point.

We breezed through security, got there in plenty of time, a sweet man behind me helped me put all my stuff on the counter. While everyone behind me was patient as I took out everything liquid, and removed two sets of shoes and everything else you have to do in the airports these days.

One of the perks about flying with children, is pre boarding. Ava and I boarded our first 3 hour flight, we got to our seats and she was instantly fascinated with the window shade and looking outside and pulling it down then back up again.

A sweet family of four sat in the rows behind us, with their kiddos who'd never flown before. They sat there, while the rest of the plane boarded explaining to their kids who had a million questions about flying and why this and why that. It was cute, and I kinda chuckled to myself thinking that will be us one day explaining to Ava once she can fully understand flying one day.

Then he sat next to me.

A man, with black thick rimmed glasses looking all trendy in his skinny jeans and hat. We didn't say hello. He sat, I payed attention to Ava.

Completely wrapped up in keeping Ava occupied with snacks, toys and singing.

After a while, I heard the grunting, huffing and puffing from the guy sitting next to me. The kids behind us still asking questions to their parents. Being kids, they weren't yelling. Just lots of chatter between the family.

Then it became clear, this guy did not like kids. Ava was singing, and playing with her musical toys when an annoyed grunt came from him, then the eye rolling started. It was no more about the family behind me, it was about my kid too!

Then Ava touched him.

I thought the world was going to end right there. He let out a dramatic huff and eye roll and gave me a death glare as he tried to move farther away from us. I quickly apologized and said I was sorry she touched him.

He was fuming. I was hugging the side of the air plane wall as much as I could to keep Ava and her arms away from him.

More eye rolls ensued. More dramatic huffing and puffing was displayed. The more he reacted, the more I started to feel insecure about my parenting skills. I could feel my Momma bear instincts rising up wanting to keep my child clear of this person.

He didn't like kids. He wasn't fond of us, he wasn't fond of the family behind us either.

I was thinking of all the things I could have said to this man. How I could have defended myself, or the family behind me. It took everything inside me to keep quiet and not let my anger or hurt take over the thoughts that would come out of my mouth.

Instead I choose to smile. I choose to take care of my daughter in the best possible way I knew how in a small air plane, during a three and a half hour flight. I choose to keep my cool in front of my daughter, and reflect the Love of Christ to this man regardless of his actions to us or other people.

I started rocking Ava back and forth in my seat, while whispering sweet songs into her ear. After a while I felt her body weight fall into my arms as she fell into a slumber. I felt my worries melt away in those moments.

There were so many things I could have snapped back to this man. But, none of them would have mattered.

But, sitting there with my daughter listening to her breathe and holding her was more important than anything else in those moments.

I learned some valuable lessons during that flight about people and myself. I realized, that in most cases you're not going to be able to ever control people's thoughts or opinions about yourself. I learned that I need to be confident in who I am as a parent.

Parenting can be so hard sometimes, and it's not only other parents that are willing to judge your parenting but also complete strangers and you just need to be confident, do your thing and let the rest go and focus on your children.

You won't change them. It's ok if you don't. Focusing on your kids is what is more important and worth your time. I learned that I will never again let someone else make me feel insecure about my parenting or my child.

Ava is amazing. She's happy and healthy. She's a kid, they squirm, they squeal, they yell and throw cheerios on the floor. They smile, laugh and play too.

It's ok.

None of this makes them bad children, or you a bad parent.

So the next time you're in public with your child and worried about what people are thinking, remember that you are great, everything you're feeling and going through is normal. You are an amazing parent, your kids love you and life goes forward.

I debated for a while about sharing this on the blog, but then I realized that;

1. I never heard this while I was pregnant & preparing for Motherhood.

2. If I can bring awareness & help another struggling Mommy than this is worth sharing.

3. It's my blog, so I get to talk about whatever I want. :)

As I mentioned in the previous post, when I took Ava to the doctor last week they told me that she lost 7 ounces. They asked about her eating habits and how much I was giving her. After explaining everything and going over it the doctor determined that as this point she thinks Ava isn't getting enough from me with strictly breast feeding. 

When I pumped two weeks ago I noticed that I only had gotten 2 oz. and usually I'd gotten at least 4 oz. I thought maybe from that experience something was up, and my milk supply might be lower from where it once was. But, in my own ignorance I just figured my body was making what she needed and it wasn't as issue. 

You can imagine how my heart sank when he doctor told me she wasn't getting enough at each feeding. I felt pain and hurt that mostly I wasn't able to give her what she needed. I felt guilty automatically. I wondered how can we fix this and make it right?

Ava's doctor suggested that we supplement with formula for now to see if it's an issue of her not being able to gain weight or something more. 

I came home that day, and I won't lie it was really hard. Now, we were entering a world of formula something we haven't done in the last 6 months. She's been strictly breast fed nothing else. She did well with the first few bottles and was doing well switching back and forth. 

The next couple days were a little rough. I think the hardest thing has been the emotional side of all this. While I was pregnant I knew I wanted to try breast feeding, I didn't know how I'd do or how she'd do. But, she took to it like it and I embraced it as it has become the most natural thing to me. Something that I look forward to every time, something that bonds us and is special to us. 

Panic and fear set in my mind thinking, would I still have that bond with her if I wasn't breast feeding? Would she still want me? Is, that silly or what? 

It is. 

But, if I'm being honest I thought that, all those things. 

It's a crazy feeling to feel like I can't nourish my child the way that I wanted to or expected to. 

The last week I've been angry at my body for not "doing" what everyone else's can do. But, also in the last week God has given me peace that everything is going to be ok. That he's the ultimate provider and he will take care of Ava. 

I've come to a peace that whatever way we need to get her to a healthy weight that's what we'll do. 

And I am reminded every time I sing her to sleep, nurse her or bottle feed her, change her outfits because she spit up on herself that she needs me! 

That nothing will take away or tarnish our bond. The bond that we've formed is strong and lasting because at the end of all this;

She's my daughter. 

And, I am her Mommy. And that is forever.

Baby Steps to Motherhood

This week brought with it, its own set of challenges, realizations and joys. I think motherhood is a culmination of all those things. And, I am realizing that being a mom and becoming the mother I want to be is full of lots and lots of baby steps. Just like Ava is learning new things daily, and taking small steps towards big milestones as am I in becoming her mother. 

Over the past six months I have embraced, and looked for every opportunity to learn in this crazy culture that is Mommywood. There are things that have happened along this journey in the last few months that have led me to say;  

"I wish someone would have told me that." 

"I wish that this was talked about more, than it is."

Over the last few months God is changing me and molding me into the mother that he's created me to be. He's given me a new outlook and new perspective that I am go grateful for. 

I know that this is what I was created to do. There have been struggles along the way. My body doesn't always want to work like other women's bodies. 

Ava is my miracle. 

And, in these last few months I feel a strong burden to bring this Mommywood culture closer together. I feel like a lot of times we judge before we really know this circumstances, I think women can be so hard on each other. We may not always say it out

loud but we sure have thought it in our minds and in our hearts. 

We question each other, instead of supporting one another. And look for those opportunities where we can educate and encourage other Moms who may not know what is best, or may just need a little help. 

 This whole new life can take on a personality of its own, and I have learned that having the right support system in place is crucial or it can swallow you whole before you even know it. 

You might doubt yourself, or your abilities or think that you can't handle it at all. 

I think no matter what if you're a working Mommy or a stay at home Mommy, I believe that at the core you just want to do a good job and raise healthy, strong, responsible, loving kids. 

You want to do a good job. You want validation for that good job too sometimes. 

I know I do. I know I want my Husband to think what I'm doing here at home everyday is good and valuable. (and he does.) 

You want to know you're making a difference and you want your kids to know how much you care about them and love them. 

 I know that this Mommy thing is a journey, a beautiful one. 

One that can bring you so much joy & pleasure if you let it. 

It's already changing  changed me. 

It's changed the kind of wife I want to be to my husband. It's made me think twice about how I view others and what they are doing. 

It's made me more grateful for where God has me, even though things are far from perfect and the challenges aren't over. 

I am grateful, and I know he hasn't forgotten about us. 

I know that each and every single day is another day to learn more of what God has for me. 

To learn even more. To love my husband and daughter a little more that day. 

To give back in some small way. To encourage others and to help others. 

 I am so thankful for this new journey he has me on. 

I don't know everything, sometimes I feel like I don't have a clue. I'm learning with each and every day that another baby step will be reached, another milestone will be accomplished. Not only for my child, but for me as her Mommy. 

I'm learning how precious and how valuable our time and our days are. I want to soak them in and make them count. 

 I know that God is teaching me and preparing me for something really amazing and special. I don't know what it is yet, or how he'll take all these new desires and passions and use them for him. 

But, I know he will use them. I know that he'll use them for his glory. 

 This is such a special season in my life. I don't want to take any of it for granted. I know that there is purpose behind all this. 

It was a really hard week, with its fare share of challenges and realizations. Lots of prayer, lots of crying (if we're being real.) a lot of hard work as we enter into a new phase. 

But, even in all that God still reminds me that he's holding me and won't let go. So as I continue to learn and my passion for Motherhood blooms even more I am reminded of that. 

How perfect & sweet this Mommywood journey is. 

On another note the winner of my 

headband give way is #4 Lyndsie!!

Congrats, email me at 

andreaworley@live.com 

and send me your address

so I can get your prize shipped

out to you! Thanks to everyone

who entered the giveaway! 

We've Been......

Taking advantage of Daddy's days off. 

Testing out and playing with Mom's new camera Uncle Shawn got her for her birthday.

Snuggling in the mornings. 

Learning to sit up on our own. 

Wearing matching t-shirts and cheering on Mom's favorite team. 

Practicing my cheer leading skills.

Relaxing with Mom and wishing that days didn't go by so fast. 

We hope whatever you've been up to has been as much fun as we've been having here at the Worley House!